It occurred to me on Monday that I will be getting married next week. At the end of April, I posted this blog. The blog post stated that I would be getting married in 54 days – now it is just 10! I put together a to-do-list. With the big day just around the corner, let’s see how much of this has been achieved…

Organise a stag party
Didn’t happen. Claire had her Hen Night, watching lots of men strip off in a play called The Full Monty. I should really have done something similar and gone out to watch a load of tits, but by that point the football season had finished, so the Leeds United players were all on their holidays. Boom boom!

Buy shoes for wedding
I did this! I deserve a medal. Not only did I buy one pair of shoes, I bought two. One for the wedding (brown) and a second pair for the honeymoon (black). I have also ordered some Converse trainers (those posh-looking daps) to wear in the evening of the wedding, although I’m still waiting for these to be delivered. It’s taking a while, so I expect they’re still being made by some 8 year old in a sweatshop somewhere, thousands of miles away. BIG LEGAL NOTICE: Converse trainers are NOT, I repeat NOT, made in sweatshops, or by children.

Buy clothes for honeymoon
Done. A second medal for me. I ordered lots of clothes. From John Lewis, from Primark, from Amazon. Even from the Leeds United clearout store. I hope I have enough things to wear. I’ve never been away for two weeks, except as a child, when my parents packed all my stuff. I went to Weymouth for a couple of nights and Butlins – hardly two weeks away from Bath. What an adventure. I feel like Bear Grylls.

Write my speech
This was finally finished yesterday. I am pleased with it. I’ll be running it by people over the next few days, most likely starting with my Mum. I will probably post it on here after the wedding, unless it fails epically, in which case it’ll be destroyed, never to be seen again.

Finish ‘list of things I need to do before the big day’
Seeing as nobody else replied to this, I assume I covered everything. If I do indeed forget anything, I will therefore blame all by blog readers – all two of them, plus about 1,000,000 bots. That means you!