I have a noisy neighbour. No, not a residential one. The only person living next door to Claire and I, is an old dear, who keeps herself to herself and never makes a sound. She’s lovely and the ideal neighbour for two Millennials, who prefer an evening in front of the television with a takeaway, instead of attending a nightclub until 4 in the morning and vomiting in a taxi, on the journey home. I think she likes us too. When we first met, Claire and I were asked if we ever played music. Unless you count listening to Marching on Together (me), or The Greatest Showman soundtrack (Claire) – both using our mobile phones – no, we never play music.

The noisy neighbour concerning me, is of the football variety – Bristol City FC. ‘The Robins’ play in the same league as my team, Leeds United. While they are not  geographical neighbours of my Yorkshire-based club, they are located too close to comfort, when it comes to where I live! I know a number of their fans and the club seems to forever be on the local news.

The bad thing about Bristol City being on the local news? The same negative about my other team, Bath City, featuring in the local press and television… non-football fans, approaching me to discuss the sport, because they have seen it on HTV News at tea time, or read a match report in The Bath Chronicle.

These non-football fans normally always attempt to start a discussion with me, after hearing or reading news about Bath City – this is nornally negative news, involving a heavy defeat, cup exit, relegation, liquidation, or stadium being burnt to the ground!

I can deal with proper football supporters attempting to wind me up – I’m a Leeds fan and the last 15 years have been shit. There is nothing which can be said to me about Leeds, that I haven’t heard before.

When a colleague, friend or family member (quite often my Mum), asks me about Bath City’s latest humiliating defeat, it is one of the most annoying things ever! The person asking me to discuss a topic, such as my football team losing, is just trying to be nice, or start a friendly chat. I can hardly tell them to shut up – that would be very rude – or reply, saying their team is crap – they don’t support anyone.

I know that I am waffling here, so will try to get to the point…

Bristol City are doing very well. They have won 9 games in a row. How in the hell they have done this, I have no idea! If people could write whatever they like on the internet, without getting sued, I would suggest that the players should be  tested for drugs. However, as it is possible to be sued for libel, and Bristol City’s millionaire owner can probably afford a better lawyer than me, I must strongly stress that this was all a rubbish joke, for the purpose of my blog, and under no circumstances have ANY Bristol City players EVER taken any illegal or banned substances. The only druggy here is me, having scored some ‘Ket‘, the last time I was hanging around Southmead.

No, I have no idea why Bristol City are doing so well. My worry is that they will catch Leeds, who are currently 2nd. Some people may scoff at this fear – Bristol are in 5th place and 5 points behind Leeds – but back in November, the last time City lost a game (ironically to Leeds), they were 11 places and 11 points behind the ‘Mighty Whites’. Now do you see my worry?

Just look at this run of victories. It’s so good that it’s almost cheating! Why can’t Leeds do this? It’s not fair.

If the worst happens and The Robins do fly past Leeds, spraying bird shit all over them in the process, it will, without doubt, be all over the local rags and news…

All my Bristol City supporting friends will laugh – they would be within their rights to, and I can handle their ‘banter’ (sorry, I hate that word).

Those who will mention the subject, and as a result, really get to me, will be the innocent, oblivious ones – my great aunt Wendy, the office weirdo everyone tries to avoid at the photocopier and Luke, who I haven’t seen since infants school, but for some reason searched on Facebook and added me as a “friend” – something which, in any other instance, would be classed as stalking, but is accepted on social media.

For the record, I have no relative known as Wendy, there’s no single office weirdo (we’re all barmy), and I don’t use my Facebook account. If I did, I certainly wouldn’t add potential murderers like Luke.

I can predict what will be said. All deadly serious and with no intention to upset or anger me…

• “Is this bad news for Leeds?”
• “Does this mean Bristol City are better than Leeds?”
• “How did this happen? I always thought Bristol City were rubbish”
• “Why can’t you both win the league? You could share it.”
• “When will Leeds get to play Bath City?”
• “I know – you could start supporting Bristol City now”

Someone is guaranteed to mention that last one. All perfectly innocently. I will punch a wall when they do…
Note to self: ensure you punch any walls with your left hand.