I received a notification on my mobile phone from the Amazon app. It read…
We thought you would like a new TV.
I have a birthday coming up, so naturally thought the masters of tax avoidance were going to give me a generous present.
Considering that over the years, I have personally put thousands of pounds into their coffers, this kind of recognition has been long overdue.
FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE.
WELL, ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD.
It was therefore a big disappointment when I discovered that Amazon were not going to gift me a television. They wanted me to buy one from them!
How cruel. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Amazon’s owner, Jeff Bezos, searches the streets of New York, looking for poor, hungry homeless men and women.
Once he has spotted a particularly malnourished soul, he will approach them and in the most caring of tones, offer some words of comfort – “You poor lamb. You look like you could do with a hot meal”.
The starving individual will thank the good samaritan for the incredibly kind offer, wondering what gourmet feast this warm-hearted saint will provide.
Unfortunately, joy will turn to sadness, when Mr Bezos offers some words of advice – “There’s a Burger King two blocks away. You can buy a Bacon Cheeseburger meal for just over ten dollars!”.
My lawyers have advised me to point out that not one part of that story is true. Although, the bit about the television is completely factual and almost as outrageous as my fictional tale.
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