A recent blog has landed me in some hot water. No, Sepp Blatter hasn’t sued me (yet). This latest trouble I have found myself in relates to the complaint my blog received. Sadly, the complaint was sent by one of my most loyal readers, Adam, who is now threatening to boycott my blog for life.

“Rest assured, I’ll let you know what time the sandwich arrives and how much I am charged. I’m sure you have sleepless nights if I don’t.”

I think this relates to another blog post I made earlier in the week.

In answer to Adam’s demands question, I can tell him…

The sandwich arrived at 12:37 British Summer Tim

It cost £2.80 exactly. I paid with both a £2 and £1 coin. I received a 20p coin in return (along with the cheddar cheese and pickle sandwich)

I hope your sleepless nights now come to an end and you have a restful weekend.

My blog has been in existence for over a decade. In that time, it has brought unprecedented joy to millions. Do I get any thanks for my hard blogging? No. You’re all welcome though. I don’t run this website for the money, although if you would like to send some, as gratitude, let me know and I’ll tell you my bank account number, sort code and mother’s maiden name, so you can make the transfer.

During my blog’s ten years, there have been zero complaints. OK, there was a Manchester United fan a few years ago who took exception to me having a laugh at his team getting beat by Lille in the Champions League. I mean come on, I was only having a joke. I’ll let him off. Most supporters of that club are of lesser intelligence than everyone else and laughing at their misfortune would be like kicking a three-legged, blind puppy.

However, today, I have BIG NEWS! In my mailbox, I received this complaint.

Dear Sir,

I wish to express my disappointment in a recent article that was published on this blog.

Firstly I have been a regular reader of this blog for a number of years and have been entertained on a regular basis by its whimsical content, digest of local news and events and general bemoaning about a lacklustre ‘football team’ you refer to as ‘Leeds’.

You may however be very close to turning this reader away!

An article published by yourself on the 10th of June 2014 indicating your out of character lack of planning forced you to seek sustenance from an unusual source, namely ‘the sandwich man’.

The very crux of this article being that your rather bland choice of sandwich was unavailable and had to be sourced locally by this ‘sandwich man’.

You clearly stated in your article ‘I’ll let you know what time the sandwich arrives and how much I am charged’

This however does not appear to be the case and my last two night have certainly been sleepless ones!

If this matter is not rectified at your earliest convenience I will forthwith refrain from reading your blog.

Your sincerely

A Butters fan

After giving the complaint much thought, care and attention, I have come to a decision as how it will be dealt with. I have carefully located and highlighted it within Outlook, lifted my right index finger and pressed the DELETE button on the keyboard.

Somehow I didn’t blog yesterday. I suppose almost four months of constant blogging isn’t bad. Hopefully I’ll return to the daily blogging… but probably not.

Today is a very special day. Special because it is my blog’s birthday! Sean’s Stories is now 10 years old! That’s right – I’ve been blogging for an entire decade. I was blogging before it became popular, I continued when every man and his dog ran a blog and I carry on to run a blog, long after all the men have stopped updating theirs and the dogs have died.

I know putting so many hours into what is effectively a diary is nothing to be proud of, but so what. One day my blog will be read by people in their millions. I could be the next Anne Frank. Unfortunately, by the time any society takes an interest in my ramblings, both you and I will be long gone. It’ll be hundreds of years, possibly thousands. The streets will resemble a scene from Back to the Future 2. I’ll be looked back on as a twenty first century eccentric. My blog will sell though. It’ll sell like a form of futuristic hot cake. Sadly, being dead, I will be unable to reap the benefits. I will make the exact amount of money from my diary as Anne Frank made from the sale of hers. Too soon?

I did buy my blog a birthday card *

*OK, I didn’t buy one. I just went on the Moonpig website and created a preview of what one would look like if I did buy one.

I was going to buy my blog a cake, but I forgot. So instead, I stole one from a children’s birthday party. Thank you, Vivi. **

** I lied again. You’ll be pleased to know that I didn’t steal a cake from a little girl. I just used Google image search.

I’m pretty pleased with myself for adding these features to the comments section on my blog. Should stop the spammers.

If they go to the effort of finding the answer to the question (pretty obvious if you read my blog), they deserve to have whatever shit they spam me with to be displayed.