Fucking smoke alarms! OK, one day they may save me from being very badly burnt like Anakin Skywalker but last night they really pissed me off!

I went to bed early as I was tired due to not sleeping well the previous night. For some reason I often can never sleep after a weekend, let alone two weeks off work.

There I was, all tucked up in bed, lights out and nodding off when all of a suddenly I was awoken by “BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!“ the sound of a demonic alarm clock.

Dazed and confused I got up and wondered what the fuck had just happened. I was in that state of semi-consciousness where nothing really seems real.

What had made that terrible noise? My new mobile phone? My laptop? Remember, I wasn’t thinking straight! When I finally regained my senses I realised the only thing it could have been was the smoke alarm.

Now, if there had been smoke or a fire somewhere in the flat (all the alarms are networked), surely the alarm would have gone on for longer than five seconds? My initial thought was that the batteries in the smoke alarm were dying. I got a chair and attempted to reach the alarm to disable it. I couldn’t reach due to the fact that my ceilings are amazingly high. I either had to start growing or try and get Peter Crouch’s telephone number.

In the end, after fully waking up and thinking rationally I decided maybe it was just a glitch or somebody in the flat had burnt some toast or lit up a cigarette. I was too tired to even bother with it anymore so went to bed, praying that I wouldn’t be awoken to the sound of another alarm, or worse still the smell of burning flesh as flames lap at my ankles.

It is now the next day and I can say that there have been no more troubles from the smoke alarm and no fires in the flat. Somebody probably did burn toast or I am just going totally mad and dreamt the alarm went off, the latter being far more worrying.