I was awoken this morning by Mr. Hobart yelling at me. “Massive c**t!” and “Lazy bastard!” were two of the profanities thrown at my sleeping head along with his fist. Of course, Dan isn’t that psychotic, he was quoting Sir Ben Kingsley’s character in the film Sexy Beast.

Dan did however want me to get out of bed and make him a coffee. Fearing Dan would start boiling water himself and accidentally burn the house down, I thought it would be a wise move to do as he asked.

Yesterday was a good day, albeit nothing much was achieved. The afternoon consisted of watching Maid Marian on DVD, the new episode of Lost, eating pizza from the local takeaway (Mr. Pizzarella, you have surpassed yourself once again) and playing classic Sega Mega Drive games.

Streets of Rage 2 brought back many memories and the synthesised music and dodgy sound FX played at high volume reminded me of summer days at the Weymouth Pleasure Beach amusement arcade.

After an hour or so of intense retro gaming, Hobart and I came to the conclusion that most Super Nintendo and Sega Mega Drive games were very erratic. The flashing, high speed graphics and migraine inducing sounds are enough to make anyone go crazy. Not to mention the bizarre gaming scenarios – a super fast blue hedgehog, collecting gold sovereigns and jumping on trampolines conveniently located in palm tress.

After a mini meltdown, brought on by Lotus Turbo Challenge 2, we watched the England/Macedonia game. That’s 90 minutes of my life I will never get back. All I heard from the commentators was the name Panda, probably a Macedonian and not in fact a panda bear.

After that game (and many other performances), I really couldn’t give a shit if Fat Frank Lampard, Rooney the Chav and Stuart Downing qualify for Euro 2008. I will shortly be buying a Northern Ireland replica kit with HEALY 9 ironed onto the back.

Upset, hurt and angry by England’s display, Dan, Mr. White and I walked into town. This is where a slight confession is revealed. Mr. White, if you are reading this prepare to get mad. As you were unlocking your bike, Dan and I decided it would be rather amusing to walk in the opposite direction, down a side street and avoid you. That is why you were unable to find us both. The joke was on us though as this detour took us an extra 15 minutes, a little pointless really.

Upon arrival in town we stood in a group outside Sainsbury’s like chavs, waiting for Simon to finish work. For somebody who is supposed to clock off at 8pm, he was annoyingly late. While waiting, the most violent battle broke out. Blood was spilt. It was like something out of West Side Story, only without all the singing.

The battle was all over where we shout eat. My personal preference (and one I knew Simon would back me on) was Nandos. White wanted a curry and Dan, not wanting to offend, sat on the fence and agreed to eat anywhere as long as we did eat (which we were not doing, hence his anger). After many nose bleeds and limb breaks, we all decided that Garfunkles would be the best choice.

Our fight outside Sainsburys bared many similarities to Streets of Rage 2

Garfunkles was excellent as always. After we had eaten and had yet another fight over the bill, we caught a taxi home and White disappeared into town to wash down his burger with a pint or six.

While back at my crib, Simon and I played a very entertaining game of Fifa 07. Well, very entertaining for me. I played as Barcelona against Simon’s Arsenal and beat him 9-2 (what the score really should have been in that Champions League final).

Simon was not happy with what he described as “shit and unrealistic game play”. Well, I like Fifa, mainly because I can score 9 goals against Arsenal. Simon is a Pro Evo man and will be bringing it round on his next visit. I have no doubts that when this happens there will be another 9-2 score line, but I will be on the losing side.