Posted by sean on June 8, 2014 at 10:02 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments

I continued my gardening duties this afternoon by dumping chemical weapons onto the patio. Loads of weeds have started growing up through the stone gaps. My gardener, Jack, AKA Chemical Ali, nuked it all a few months ago, but the weeds have returned with a vengeance.

Claire bought a carton of weed killer in town yesterday. This was my weapon of choice. I don’t have much experience of weed killer. I remember Mandy Jordache tried to poison her mad husband with it, before stabbing him and burying him under the patio (I bet the nutrients from his decomposing body caused a few weeds!).

I must have been spraying for hours – all afternoon! In reality, it was probably about 20 minutes. Shortly after returning to the front room, for a well-deserved rest, it started to rain. Mother Nature had foiled my plans to destroy her pesky “plants”. Hopefully the poison reached the roots of the weeds before the rain had chance to wash it away. If not, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back!”

You may have won this battle, weeds; but you haven’t won the war…

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