Posted by sean on October 9, 2015 at 3:44 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments

Are you a cat owner? If the answer is ‘yes’, I hate you. OK, that may sound a little harsh – I don’t hate you. I do, however, find your pet very annoying. A local cat has recently taken a fancy to our front garden and has started to poo all over the lawn. Not just a little bit. Loads. It is like a herd of cows have been grazing outside our house, but instead of producing pats of grassy manure, has curled out stinking piles of half–digested meat from a tin.

We have to leave our recycling boxes on the lawn; and while we make an effort to avoid placing them on top of any cat mess, the men who dispose of our rubbish are not so careful and throw the boxes back onto the grass and into the poo. We haven’t got round to mowing the lawn yet, but when we do, the shit will quite literally hit the fan.

So why do I blame you? After all, it’s not your animal. You probably don’t live in Bath and certainly don’t share my street. You do own a cat, though. A cat who, like the one that is currently destroying my lawn, has to defecate. So while it isn’t crapping in my garden, it will be enraging one of your poor neighbours!

If/when I run the country, I would bring in a ‘cat tax’, where owners of felines (and dogs) would pay the local council a monthly fee. This fee would be used to pay a cleaner to go around the local gardens and streets, clearing up animal mess. I can’t see how this is unfair – your animal made the mess, you pay to clean it up.

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