Finally, I’ve written a blog post that doesn’t mention c*****v****! Well, it does once, in a hilarious caption. That’s it. I promise.

Claire and I have watched the final episode of the most recent series of Hunted.

Don’t worry – if you have been following the current season, but have not had chance to see the latest installment, there will be no spoilers.

… except to say that the girlfriend of the gym instructor from Wigan, gets her hands on an AK-47 and massacres all the ground hunters. She then turns the weapon on her boyfriend and each remaining fugitive, before riding off into the sunset with the £100k and her pet dog. Sorry!

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to highlight a few flaws in the series.

There are clearly many rules, which us viewers are not made aware of. These conditions are obviously in place to keep the show interesting and to prevent the hunters’ task of tracking down the fugitives from being made impossible.

One would assume that breaking the rules is seen as cheating, and punishable by incarceration – or just getting booted off the show.

You’ll forever be known as the fool who cheated on Hunted. Having no choice but to flee to a cave in the Scottish Highlands and live the rest of your life with Former-Major Charles Ingram. Incidentally, Charlie is a Leeds fan, so can’t be too bad a chap.

• Presumably the fugitives need to keep moving. Otherwise, what is to prevent them from making pre-planned arrangements to stay for three weeks, in the box bedroom of a contact with no Facebook or mobile phone connections.
• The fugitives would never be found – especially as milk is no longer sold in cartons, meaning their face couldn’t be sent to every breakfast table across the country.
• All friends, family and colleagues (FFC) of the fugitives must have been told to set their Facebook permissions low enough for the investigators to access.
• In addition, the associates and fugitives will have written to their mobile phone operators, granting permission for their cellular activity to be monitored. As Hunted is a game show and not a criminal investigation, under the Data Protection Act, the operators would not allow such monitoring without authorisation. Isn’t that right, Piers Morgan?

• Are the FFC obliged to grant the hunters access to their property? They could be holding key evidence or even sheltering the fugitives. With no legal warrant, the FFC could tell the hunter to politely “go away “, or just not answer the door. In this series, especially, I have noticed that a lot of back doors have been left open or unlocked – giving the hunters access to the house and the fugitive.
• When asking the public if they have seen the fugitives, the hunters will describe their appearance in great detail. Not once do they say “oh, and a bloke with a huge microphone and camcorder would have been following them!”.

• Why have no fugitives ever left tricks for the hunters, prior to going on the run? Try and throw them off the scent, before the chase has even begun. Fake Facebook accounts. Laptops containing false information, conveniently placed to be found by a snoop.
• You would assume that it is a massive “no no” to fill your socks with wads of £20 notes, so you can spend money while on the run and not be traced. That would be cheating, as well as rather unhygienic.

“I promise to pay the bearer on demand £20, a litre of sweat and a dose of COVID-19”

• I assume that the fugitives and hunters are not allowed to break the law. Therefore speeding, stealing cars and intimidating witnesses at knife point, is out of the question.
• Trespassing must also be prohibited. When being chased down a country road on foot, do the fugitives need to check the status of a field before fleeing into it? Is it a public right of way, or is the field privately owned by Farmer Giles and his fierce guard dog?

• Up until now, I always thought the narrator was Michael Buerk. That man who used to read the news and present 999 – that television series from the 1990s, where people would hilariously recount stories of their clumsy accidents, involving broken parachutes, angry cows and electricity pylons. Apparently, it’s not him!

• The prize for winning is £100k. This must be shared between everyone else who makes it to the end. That’s a pretty pitiful amount, especially when you consider that you can win a million, simply for sitting in a chair for an hour, and have Jeremy Clarkson ask you a series of questions. Mind you, anyone who has to sit in the same room as that obnoxious pig for sixty minutes, deserves every penny of that million quid!
• Before anyone comments on my previous point, I am aware that the show isn’t all about the money. People enter Hunted for the experience etc…

• SPOILER ALERT! – I know that I said “no spoilers”, so I hope the warning is clear enough for anyone not wishing to know about the episode. OK… when the Wigan gym bunny proposes to his girlfriend, does anyone else think it was staged? I fully believe that the proposal was heartfelt and genuine, but is it something you do when you’re meters away from the extraction point, with the hunters closing in? I wonder if the show’s producers had a word with a few people… yes, I know that I’m one skeptic sod!