Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 21/07/2017 at 5:21 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Following my trip to the dentist the other day, I decided to invest in a tool which will hopefully reduce further trips. I hate flossing. My dentist tells me to floss. I therefore probably should floss.

I have now found an alternative. A device you fill with water, which is then jetted into your mouth at such a force, it cleans your teeth – and I mean cleans. Any stronger and the force would rip the teeth from your skull.

The tool took a bit of getting used to. After filling the reservoir with water and turning the device on, water shot into the air, covering the walls, the floor and me. NOTE TO SELF – ONLY TURN ON WHEN IN MOUTH.

My second attempt wasn’t much better. The water came out in my mouth this time, but I didn’t plan on where it would go. Cue my mouth filling with water, before I am forced to spit it into the air, covering the walls, the floor and me. NOTE TO SELF – SPIT WATER OUT.

It was third time lucky. The water flowed into my mouth. I ensured I was over a sink, so excess water could flow out and down the plughole. Success.

The new bit of kit did an amazing job, and my teeth have never felt cleaner. What was left in the sink was incredible – blood and all kinds of food particles sat in the basin. I am sure I spotted part of my school dinners from twenty years ago, sitting in the bathroom sink. I am very impressed.

Posted by sean on 17/06/2017 at 7:07 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


I received this in the post today from Amazon…

Given the size of the box, what would you expect to find in it? A games console? A small television? A pile of bricks?

No. In this massive cardboard box, there was this… a packet of small water funnels.

Posted by sean on 19/04/2017 at 11:02 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Nine years ago today, I asked my now wife, Claire, to be my girlfriend. I must have made a good impression in taking her to The Boathouse pub for a meal, because she said yes. Just over four years later, we became engaged, and in 2015, got married.

Nine years on, we are both very happy and in love. We have a house together and our relationship is still going strong.

Posted by sean on 18/04/2017 at 1:26 pm in Curry, Fun At Home with No Comments


We decided to go all posh last week, and buy our online shop from Ocado. Tesco had really annoyed me, by not only delivering me mouldy oranges one week, but by sending me further putrid fruit the following order!

Ocado source a lot of their food from Waitrose, which is very expensive. I needed to buy a couple of ready meals, which were of good quality, but not stupidly priced. I found some, which were 2 for £6. Not cheap, but considering some of the other ‘deals’ were priced at over £10, I had little choice.

While unpacking the shopping, Claire asked why I had bought gluten and dairy free food. I have no allergies and will generally eat anything, besides fish. It turns out the nice looking ready meals I had bought were for people with special dietary requirements.

Last night, I ate a Thai Green Curry. The last time I had one of these, it was nice and creamy. How could they make a cream curry with no milk? The curry was horrible, and the vast majority of it went in the bin. I’ve got a chicken tikka masala tonight – again, dairy free. I don’t have high hopes.

Posted by sean on 09/02/2017 at 5:54 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


The other morning, I awoke to a disturbed wife. The house was in darkness. Apparently, when turning on the bathroom light, there was a big flash, followed by all of the remaining lights in the house going out. I had expereinced this problem in my old flat, so knew how to fix it. The light circuit had tripped, and just needed turning back on. I normally keep a torch by the bedside for these matters. Could I find it when I really needed it? Could I hell. Luckily, my mobile phone has a torch app. Unfortunetely, it drinks battery juice like Phil Mitchell drinks vodka. By using the phone as a torch, I might not have enough power left to call 999, should I fail to restore the lights to my house. Thankfully, I managed to haul myself out of bed, made it downstairs, got the lights working and my phone didn’t die. The bathroom light was still out, which presented an even greter problem…

I asked my DIY Man – AKA “Dad” – to come and change the light bulb. He is excellent at this kind of thing and I wouldn’t have been able to do this job. Being a shortarse 5 foot 5 and having as much balance as a one-legged horse, I didn’t really want to risk changing it myself with a stepladder, especially as the bulb is under a fragile glass dome, which would no doubt shatter into a million sharp pieces if I went anywhere near it, leading to me cutting myself, dying from blood loss and receiving a fine from the landlord for breaking his property.

My Dad managed to retrieve the bulb from behind the great glass ceiling dome. Except it wasn’t a bulb. It was a tiny tube. You know the kind you get in an office? It was like that but 100 times smaller. Where on earth could I buy one of these? One things for sure, I couldn’t buy one from my Tesco Local. I went to the shop that sells everything (apart from drugs and livestock)… Amazon.

After much thinking, I bought what I believed to be the correct bulbs, tubes, whatever… The next day, Claire rang me at work to say that they had been delivered, but they were too small! Yes, it was a tiny, tiny light tube. 1,000 times smaller than one you would find in an office! This was getting serious, there was only so long I could shower by candle light (OK, I used the landing light, with the bathroom door open). My Dad, the best handyman in the world, managed to find the required bulb in Screwfix and even fitted it for us. Everything is now working, there is now no longer a need for candles, but we do have a multipack of tiny light tubes that we’ll never need.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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