Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 17/06/2017 at 7:07 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


I received this in the post today from Amazon…

Given the size of the box, what would you expect to find in it? A games console? A small television? A pile of bricks?

No. In this massive cardboard box, there was this… a packet of small water funnels.

Posted by sean on 19/04/2017 at 11:02 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Nine years ago today, I asked my now wife, Claire, to be my girlfriend. I must have made a good impression in taking her to The Boathouse pub for a meal, because she said yes. Just over four years later, we became engaged, and in 2015, got married.

Nine years on, we are both very happy and in love. We have a house together and our relationship is still going strong.

Posted by sean on 18/04/2017 at 1:26 pm in Curry, Fun At Home with No Comments


We decided to go all posh last week, and buy our online shop from Ocado. Tesco had really annoyed me, by not only delivering me mouldy oranges one week, but by sending me further putrid fruit the following order!

Ocado source a lot of their food from Waitrose, which is very expensive. I needed to buy a couple of ready meals, which were of good quality, but not stupidly priced. I found some, which were 2 for £6. Not cheap, but considering some of the other ‘deals’ were priced at over £10, I had little choice.

While unpacking the shopping, Claire asked why I had bought gluten and dairy free food. I have no allergies and will generally eat anything, besides fish. It turns out the nice looking ready meals I had bought were for people with special dietary requirements.

Last night, I ate a Thai Green Curry. The last time I had one of these, it was nice and creamy. How could they make a cream curry with no milk? The curry was horrible, and the vast majority of it went in the bin. I’ve got a chicken tikka masala tonight – again, dairy free. I don’t have high hopes.

Posted by sean on 09/02/2017 at 5:54 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


The other morning, I awoke to a disturbed wife. The house was in darkness. Apparently, when turning on the bathroom light, there was a big flash, followed by all of the remaining lights in the house going out. I had expereinced this problem in my old flat, so knew how to fix it. The light circuit had tripped, and just needed turning back on. I normally keep a torch by the bedside for these matters. Could I find it when I really needed it? Could I hell. Luckily, my mobile phone has a torch app. Unfortunetely, it drinks battery juice like Phil Mitchell drinks vodka. By using the phone as a torch, I might not have enough power left to call 999, should I fail to restore the lights to my house. Thankfully, I managed to haul myself out of bed, made it downstairs, got the lights working and my phone didn’t die. The bathroom light was still out, which presented an even greter problem…

I asked my DIY Man – AKA “Dad” – to come and change the light bulb. He is excellent at this kind of thing and I wouldn’t have been able to do this job. Being a shortarse 5 foot 5 and having as much balance as a one-legged horse, I didn’t really want to risk changing it myself with a stepladder, especially as the bulb is under a fragile glass dome, which would no doubt shatter into a million sharp pieces if I went anywhere near it, leading to me cutting myself, dying from blood loss and receiving a fine from the landlord for breaking his property.

My Dad managed to retrieve the bulb from behind the great glass ceiling dome. Except it wasn’t a bulb. It was a tiny tube. You know the kind you get in an office? It was like that but 100 times smaller. Where on earth could I buy one of these? One things for sure, I couldn’t buy one from my Tesco Local. I went to the shop that sells everything (apart from drugs and livestock)… Amazon.

After much thinking, I bought what I believed to be the correct bulbs, tubes, whatever… The next day, Claire rang me at work to say that they had been delivered, but they were too small! Yes, it was a tiny, tiny light tube. 1,000 times smaller than one you would find in an office! This was getting serious, there was only so long I could shower by candle light (OK, I used the landing light, with the bathroom door open). My Dad, the best handyman in the world, managed to find the required bulb in Screwfix and even fitted it for us. Everything is now working, there is now no longer a need for candles, but we do have a multipack of tiny light tubes that we’ll never need.

Posted by sean on 01/01/2017 at 7:28 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Happy New Year to all my readers. How did you spend your evening last night? Unless you are Dot Cotton, I can guarantee that it was more rock and roll than mine. We went to bed at our usual time of around half ten. Thinking about it, Dot’s evening was probably more exciting than ours – at least she was able to pop some drugs, albeit nicotine. We couldn’t even score any Ovaltine.

There were two reasons for our unfestive evening. Firstly, Claire had worked a long day at work, so was understandably shattered. Secondly, we had nothing to do. No guests. No party games. There wasn’t even anything good on the telly.

After our early night, I woke up shortly before midnight. I’d normally go straight back to sleep, but I felt I should see in the New Year, even if it was lying on a bed, in a dark room, next to a heavily sleeping wife.

Right on the stroke of midnight, the fireworks started. Lots of them. It sounded like a warzone. I am sure Ross Kemp was hiding behind a wheelie bin, somewhere in Twerton, with a film crew, reporting on all the dangerous explosions.

Why do people buy fireworks anyway? They’re very expensive and aren’t really that good. You are literally burning your money. With so many suckers putting on their own displays in their back garden, why not watch theirs for free? It’s all down to having a big ego. As I lay in my bed, it occurred to me that whoever buys fireworks, has to be the one who lets off the last one over the course of the night. After the mass of explosions had died down, occasionally you would hear a single firework bang, from one side of Weston (where I live). Moments later, another explosion from another area of the suburb. I’d like to say who won the sad ‘battle of the bangs’, but I fell asleep.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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