Yesterday evening, we were treated to a live show – a collection of shows from famous musicals. Don’t ask me to recall which ones – I’ve only seen two – Evita, at the cinema, almost twenty years ago; and Joseph, earlier this year. None of the songs I know from those were featured last night. It was good all the same.

Drinks were split. At the start of the night, a man split a fellow passenger’s drink all over him and his wife. The drinkless, beer drenched man looked rather annoyed, and even a replacement pint didn’t appear to cheer him up. At the end of the show, it was my turn to spill – or was it? I thought Claire had done the crime – sending a bottle of coke flying over ourselves and a nearby seat. She denied it. Someone must have, presumably while we were applauding the end of the show.

It was Indian night at the buffet. I went for my usual – chicken tikka masala, with rice. I’m a self-confessed, typical Englishman – not very advantageous and very much a fan of my home comforts! Seeing as most of the tikka tray was empty, I wasn’t the only one! I made a BIG mistake with dessert. I saw a small bowl full of what I believed to be Indian rice pudding. How wrong I was. After taking a small bite, I realised it was anything but creamed rice. Instead, it was some form of rice, bound together with herbs and spices – very much a savoury side dish. Claire rightly pointed out that I had found it in the salad bar, so only had myself to blame for being such a tit.

Today’s ‘school trip’ was on a minubus, filled with mainly pensioners, through the streets of Gibraltar. It was hot and sunny – finally! This made Claire very happy indeed! Gibraltar is like England except very hot and everything is cheap – probably because taxes are much lower. I’ve decided that I want to live there. They even have a Morrison’s supermarket and M&S.

We stopped off at Europa Point. The southern most point of Europe. You could even see Africa, just a few miles across the sea. Gibraltar is famous for its monkeys. So far, I was yet to see any. We drove to a nearby hotel. Still no apes. There was, however, hot drinks and scones.

The wall of the hotel had photos of many celebrities who had stayed in its rooms, over the years – some very famous people, like Sean Connery, Roger Moore and John Lennon. Some more Z-list, such as Alex Ferguson.

We slowly drove back to the port, via the airport, where we were able to drive across the runway! Off the minibus, I picked up a few souvenirs, before queuing for AGES to get back aboard. On deck, we saw our first proper ‘sailaway’. We’ve now retired to our cabin for some much deserved rest, in time for the evening fun.

[Photos from the day]

Last night, we were entertained by live music from Phil Collins – except it wasn’t Phil Collins, it was a tribute act from a man called Rob Lewis. He was very good, all the same. We discovered Rob had appeared on ‘Stars in Their Eyes’, although it wasn’t mentioned if he won the competition or not.

We retired to our cabin and bed, as had an early start in the morning – our second port – Lisbon, Portugal. The port allowed us to really take in the size of our ship, Ventura – something we hadn’t really been able to until today.

The excursion took us through the Portuguese capital. I wasn’t too impressed with the sights, if I’m honest. There were few historical buildings, due to an earthquake a few hundred years ago, which destroyed the city.

Our coach drove us out of Lisbon, to a nearby town, which had a beautiful beach. We sat in the sun, alongside the sea and sand; taking in the surroundings and enjoying our first real experience of a traditional Mediterranean climate.

We arrived back at our port, along with what looked like every other passenger on the cruise – we had to queue for what seemed like ages while going through security. Reassuringly, the ship is very secure – maybe too much so – some small metal bits on my shorts set the metal detector off!

Our return to Ventura was well timed, as it started to rain. I hear there is a heat wave back home in England. Claire thinks we’ll be returning to find everyone tanned, while we’ll remain pale white.

Very tired, following our morning, we ordered room service – all free! This afternoon has been a much-needed chance to unwind. I think we will venture out later, catch a show and have another early night. Tomorrow’s trip, in Gibraltar, doesn’t start until late morning, so I will have chance to have a lie in – a luxury that I’ve missed since going on Honeymoon!

[Photos from the day]

We awoke this morning as the ship was arriving into the Spanish town of Vigo. We had booked an excursion, so had to eat a quick, early breakfast before leaving our home from home for the first time.

Spain looks very different to England. Vigo appears to be a built up town, with lots of high rising flats. Surrounding Vigo, however, is beautiful landscape, which includes churches, tree dense hills and rustic Spanish villas.

Our excursion, a bus tour of Vigo, took us around the town, where we saw some of the major buildings and attractions. As Vigo is a fishing port, there was many dockyards and fish factories. We also drove past the football stadium of La Liga side, Celta Vigo.

The coach stopped at a church outside of the town, where we could take in the views, which included three surrounding islands. A foggy morning meant we couldn’t see quite as far as we would on a clear day.

A trip to a 19th century estate followed, and we were shown around the beautiful gardens.

We were then driven to a luxury five star hotel for drinks. Our tour guide reliably informed us that both Real Madrid and FC Barcelona stay in the hotel when playing Celts Vigo. Just think – I could have drank my coffee from the same cup as Lionel Messi.

We were about to leave the hotel and drive back to the ship, when we were told the coach was broken and would have to be changed. As we were leaving the old house, we had heard a huge bang, so knew something wasn’t right with the vehicle!

A replacement coach was sent, but while we waited, it gave us chance to look out across the beach and coastline. An excitable dog was running around. The dog then turned aggressive, attacking a cyclist and biting two sets of joggers. This resulted in a very angry, bitten man, who appeared to not let the dog or its female owner leave, until he had finished a telephone call – one would hope to the local police, as the woman clearly had no control over her dangerous animal.

The replacement coach arrived, and we boarded, safe and sound, away from the dog. We were then driven back to our ship, before we would enjoy a late lunch and chance to sunbathe from our private balcony.

[Photos from the day]

The first full day of the honeymoon has been spent at sea. We got up relatively early, so we could head for the breakfast buffet. Madness. It was like the people there hadn’t eaten for weeks and The Red Cross had made a food delivery. We eventually found somewhere to sit, before finding something to eat ourselves. I must commend the chefs on-board – the P&O all you can eat breakfast is certainly better than the Harvester one. I could actually tell my sausage and bacon had come from a pig.

In the afternoon we had a couples massage. It was a very tranquil and relaxing experience, until it came to the end of the “treatment”, as our massaur called it. She wanted us to sign up for loads more massages across the course of our honeymoon.We were pressured into booking a second, but I put my foot down when they suggested a third. We’re going to cancel the second one anyway.

We caught a stowaway this morning. No, not a person – a frickin’ pigeon. He was sitting bold as brass on the deck. I suppose it saves flying across the Atlantic to hotter countries, like those stupid swifts.

This evening, we met the captain. His name is Simon Terry. I didn’t ask him if he had a brother called John, but was very tempted. I didn’t mention the stowaway pigeon – I’m not a grass.

We finished the evening with a cocktail. We both had Cosmopolitans. Until today, I thought Cosmopolitan was a nudy book read by Rik May all in Bottom. I liked it very much.

[Photos from the day]

I write this from the bed of our cabin. I have no idea what time it’s supposed to be. The time on the Kindle says it’s almost 11pm, but as we are probably closer to France right now, I don’t know what time zone we are in.

It has been a busy day. Claire’s parents kindly drove us from Bath to the port in Southampton, where we embarked on our cruise. The ship terminal was madness.people were everywhere.

We eventually got aboard. There were two check in desks on the ship. It should normally take a few seconds to get through. Typically we got stuck behind someone whose check in card had broken, so had to wait ages!

When we did get to our cabin, I was more than impressed. Such luxury! They even gave us complimentary champagne and chocolates. The luxury was short lived, as we were ordered downstairs to carry out a safety drill and be shown how to wear our life jackets, should anything unfortunate happen. I can’t complain. I don’t remember such a demonstration happening in the movie ‘Titanic’, and we all know what happened there.

The whole thing was a bit of a farce. There were more people than chairs, and there was a delay in starting, thanks to some travellers getting on-board late. How difficult is it to get to your holiday on time? If I was the captain, I’d have left without them!

We were eventually shown all the health and safety mumbo jumbo, so returned to our cabin, before finding something to eat and strolling around the ship. The sea is rather rough tonight – it must be because we’re in the English Channel.

I should really get to sleep now. I’m tired – almost certainly because due to my long day and nothing to do we with the two glasses of free bubbly I’ve drank.

[Photos from the day]