For the last few months, I have been subscribing to the magazine ‘Real Life Bugs and Insects’. Each issue of the publication features in-depth detail of a particular creepy-crawly from around the world. Without wanting to sound like a Roy Cropper type weirdo, it is rather interesting.

The best part of the magazine is what comes with it – a real life bug! Sadly, the bug is no longer living – although if it was alive, I wouldn’t step foot in a newsagent again, let alone buy the damn thing. The dead creature is encased in a solid plastic box. The magazine justifies this brutality, comparing the process to a fly getting caught in the sap of a tree – just like in them wild (and Jurassic Park).

I don’t really like to think how the bug is killed (as it is still intact, I don’t think it is with a sole of a shoe), as I rather like animals; but being a meat-eater, I can’t really claim to be pro-animal rights, so will avoid joining PETA and will continue my subscription to collecting murdered insects instead.

For your ‘enjoyment’, I will be sharing my insect collection with you on my blog. Despite enjoying his work, I am no David Attenborough, so won’t be teaching you all how the bugs live, breed, feed, etc. Instead, I have gone for something a little more fun. I will be presenting the creatures in the form of Top Trump cards, so if you’re even weirder than me, you can print the cards off and play a game with your friends – although if you’re sad enough to do that, you probably don’t have any friends.

The bug will be given four different ratings…

“SHIT YOUR PANTS SCARY” – If you were to see this creature in your bed at night, how likely would you be to soil your pyjamas?

“QUICK LEGS, FAST WINGS & THINGS” – How fast does this thing to move? Do you have time to reach for the insect spray, before it gets you?

“BITEY, BITEY, STING, STING, STAB” – If you are attacked by this bug, how badly will it hurt?

“WORLD DOMINATION” – What are the chances of these creatures taking over the world? 1 = don’t be stupid, it’s just an insect – 5 = a certainty.

Below is a sample card. I already have 11 bugs, so will be uploading cards for all of them over the next few days. After that, new cards will be produced, once I receive them.