Cue a Homer Simpson “mmmmmmmmm” and drool.

Why is it that Saturday and Sundays always seem to go faster than any other days of the week?

At last – the Easter break! I’m in a lucky position to not just have 4 days off, like most other people, but 5. I was planning on writing a lot more on this evening’s blog, as I have a few things to bore you with, but fatigue has beaten me, so I am off to bed. Hopefully I won’t sleep through the entire duration of my five days off, and I will return with a much better* blog tomorrow, but the way I am feeling right now, who knows.

* for a change

Before I blog, I would like to make something perfectly clear. Ireland is a beautiful country. It saddens me that I have never been and would one day like to holiday there. The people are nice and come across as warm and welcoming. Basically, I like the Irish. What I don’t like is the English who, for one day of the year, have a desire to be Irish.

It’s like the races at Cheltenham last week. Millions of people going mad for the sport, dressing up like John McCririck and throwing millions of pounds into Ray Winstone and Bet 365’s bank account. Yes, horse racing is a popular event in this country, but most of the people at Cheltenham Races don’t normally bother about it the other 51 weeks of the year. Oh, and don’t get me started on idiots who jump on the rugby bandwagon every February for the 6 Nations.

I digress terribly. Today’s blog is, of course, talking about St Patrick’s Day – a day which should be respected and celebrated by Irish. Not the English, who have no idea of the day’s significance to Ireland, and just see it as an excuse to wear daft Guinness-branded hats and drink to excess, while acting like a twat.

Many will argue that England should put more of an effort into celebrating St George’s Day. What a great idea. Yes, all pubs should lay on an English theme, put cricket on the telly, serve tea on tap and rejoice about being shit at football. In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic – although we are shit at football. Very shit.

I’ll admit, I am shamefully ignorant and know little about both St Patrick and St George. After doing intensive research (spending a minute on Wikipedia), I have learnt the following… St Patrick is famous for chasing some snakes into the sea, whereas St George defeated a dragon. What’s more dangerous? A few snakes or a massive, fire-breathing dragon? I’ll leave that with you, although I don’t think I fully believe the dragon story. Whoever made it up was probably pissed on England’s choice of beverage – Carling Extra Cold.

Presumably stupid teenage girls will refuse to brush their teeth unless their parents buy them this stuff.

I’d tell parent to ignore the demands of their stupid children. If they don’t want to brush their teeth with normal toothpaste, it’s their own fault if they end up like this…

I wonder if The Wurzels have their own brand of toothpaste.