Of course, I did get out of the hospital bay and am now home.

Claire and I are working our way through all the episodes of I’m a Celebrity, which we missed. There are loads, but are making excellent progress and will have probably caught up by tonight’s installment.

One thing I have noticed, while watching our marathon, is that the celebrities’ primary complaints seem to revolve around the poor quality of sleep and food.

Poor souls! Sleep deprivation and an undesirable diet. It’s almost as if they are spending a spell in hospital… apart from the fact they’re not in pain and are being paid five and six-figure fees for the privilege.

Stop your moaning, celebs, and man/woman up!

So, the lineup for this year’s I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! has been revealed.

• Adele Roberts
• Caitlyn Jenner
• Ian Wright
• Nadine Coyle
• Andrew Whyment
• Jacqueline Jossa
• Kate Garraway
• James Haskell
• Roman Kemp
• Myles Stephenson

How many of these names do you recognise?

Don’t feel bad if, like me, you haven’t heard of most of them. I hardly think that being aware of the existence of these so-called “celebrities”, is anything to be proud of.

One of those names that I had not heard of before today, is Roman Kemp.

Despite not knowing who on earth he was (before searching Google), his name jumped out at me, for obvious reasons!

It is going to sound really weird, everytime I hear Roman’s name mentioned on the show. There is only one Roman that I know…

After reading today’s news, Roman might not be going to Australia anyway. Some offensive tweets have been dug up and have come back to haunt him.

What a rubbish episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire last night! There was no excitement or thrill. It was a waste of time and ruined my entire evening!

The reason for my disappointment? Nobody lost any money.

I am sure I can’t be the only one who takes pleasure in watching contestants becoming greedy, only to lose tens or even hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Either that, or crashing out early, by being a bit… well… stupid.

LOLz.

This is why I could never watch the show live in the studio. Not only would I be unable to hide my hilarity in some poor sod losing a fortune;  when it comes to participating in the “ask the audience” lifeline, I would pick the wrong answer on purpose.

If 81% of the audience were meanies like me.

No contestant won big money Sunday, but at the same time, no cash was lost. Crap.

So, this is apparently happening…

<sarcasm>Well that’s just amazing news – I am so happy!</sarcasm>

To make matters worse, 2020 will be the first year where football will stop for a while, in order to give those <sarcasm>overworked players a break from their oppressive day job.</sarcasm>

This means, not only will I have to endure that awful reality television show, but there will be no football to cheer me up.

It’ll be just like the summer – except instead of the weather being horrendously hot, it’ll be frightfully freezing.

If my old English teacher is reading this, I hope he appreciates that fantastic use of alliteration.

One of my favourite TV shows as a child, was Pingu. Who would have thought that a collection of five minute episodes, featuring a noisy plasticine penguin, would be such a success?

All the episodes are on YouTube, and I found myself reliving part of my childhood last Saturday.

The first episode I found saw Pingu misbehave during a family meal, before getting told off and a smacked bottom, for throwing food at Mummy Penguin.

As a result of the family row, Pingu runs away from home (an igloo), before predictably becoming scared and lost.

It was great.

There was no way, in the year 2019, that CBBC would show that episode now…

• Smacking Pingu’s bum would now be classed as child abuse.
• The food fight, worryingly identifies a broken home.
• Pingu is clearly demonstrating a concerning level of ADHD.
• Let’s not even go there with Pingu running away from home. Did I mention there was a happy ending back in 1990? He was given a hot drink and snuggled in the warmth and safety of mummy and daddy’s bed. A lovely end to the episode, I am sure you’ll agree. In 2019, a lost and vulnerable Pingu meets a dangerous sealion called Rolf. Let’s just say, the subsequent episodes take a turn for the worse. Instead of being shown in between Peppa Pig and Dora the Explorer, Pingu 2019 becomes a hard-hitting 3-part ITV drama on child abuse.

The point of this blog post isn’t about the fact that, despite this generation’s minors, frequently murdering prostitutes on Grand Theft Auto, political correctness would undoubtably prevent 1990s kids’ television from being shown in 2019. No – this post is a lot more serious…

What in the name of bloody hell has happened to the Pingu intro?

This is the classic Pingu, we all grew to know and love…

Here’s the modern intro…

If I ever find who is responsible for this blasphemy, I will give them such a smacked bottom!