Three new housemates have moved into the flat this afternoon. They are very small, quiet and don’t eat too much. Due to their easy going nature I have allowed them to stay in my room.
They will all be living together in the tank I bought the other week. Hopefully they’ll all get along and there will be no fights or bitching within the group – I don’t want it to be like Big Brother. I plan to buy three friends for them in a fortnight.
My new flatmates are all a little camera shy and won’t stay still to have thier photo taken.
This is a picture of thier cousin Mr. Chips who is not afraid of the cameras.
I came across this news story while trawling the DVD Reviewer forums. It’s a little nasty so don’t read if you have weak stomach and have just eaten – especially if your last meal was a rare, rump steak.
ISSA KANU was in the wrong place at the wrong time. On 23 April, Kanu showed up in his taxi at the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary in the forests outside Freetown, Sierra Leone, with three US construction workers. They wanted to see some chimps, but got more than they bargained for. A frenzied attack by an angry mob of animals left Kanu dead and the three Americans badly bitten.
The chimps responsible for this horrific attack had just escaped from an enclosure, and while the incident was unusual it was not unprecedented. In March 2005, two chimps escaped from their cage at the Animal Haven Ranch in Caliente, California, and attacked a couple visiting the sanctuary, badly mauling 62-year-old St James Davis. The former racing driver lost much of his face, part of his buttocks, a foot, all of his fingers and his testicles. Like Kanu, Davis could do little to defend himself: adult chimps are far stronger than people.
Ouch! That has gotta hurt! We’ll all have to remember this summer, when England are losing 2-0 to Brazil in the World Cup Semi Final, things could be worse – a monkey could be knawing on your head.
The full story can be found on The New Scientist website.
This evening I went with my good friend Mr. Watkins to The George Pub in Bathhampton. The plan was to meet him at the train station where we would then get a taxi to the pub.
On the way to the station I came across some England fans who appeared to have had more than enough to drink over the afternoon. They had left a trail of destruction, mainly smashed beer cans all the way down the street, they then started a fight with some random bloke near the bus stop. I’m not sure whether the man was a fellow thug or not, I thought it wise NOT to get involved. Anyway, they were all a group of twats who had probably had their passports confiscated by the police. I just hope that morons like that don’t make it through the net to Germany as they’ll give the country a bad name.
After the bus journey I met Mr. Watkins at the station where we then headed for the taxi rank to acquire transport to the pub. A taxi pulled up with a strange looking driver. Now what do you do in this situation? It’s obvious you want a taxi as you’re in the queue but you don’t want to come across as rude by turning down the driver solely upon looks, so we climbed aboard.
The taxi driver can only be described as a cross between Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses, Greengrass from Heartbeat and a tramp, in fact he wouldn’t have looked out of place on a street corner in a pool of piss with a begging bowl.
The driver started talking random shit to me. I didn’t know how to answer him. I had to give some response though, if I didn’t maybe he would have killed me. He did seem a nutter, I found myself nodding, saying “yes” and agreeing to whatever he said.
Now, I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but this driver was dodgy. Some of his offences included jumping red lights, slagging off other drivers and using foul profanities (he even used the C word). Still, jumping the traffic lights saved me money on the taxi fare so I won’t post his ID number on here, after all I wouldn’t like to see the man sacked.
We then arrived at The George, a lovely pub, especially in the summer where you can sit outside by the canal. The menu was of high quality, no typical pub food rubbish – I think it would even get the thumbs up from Gordon Ramsey. Even with all the posh nosh I still went for sausage and mash (done to an exceptionally high standard mind you).
After the food we sat outside as it was a perfect evening. Some little kid was running around, feeding the ducks, getting in the way of bikers and generally pissing off his parents, it was actually quite funny! The child’s parents were not impressed and kept on at the lad throughout the evening telling him that he is annoying everybody. In fact the only people he was annoying was them, he was causing everybody else entertainment.
I seem to remember when I was a small child my parents told me to behave in public places and stop irritating others. Thinking about it now, I probably wasn’t pissing everyone off, the only people I was annoying was my parents who had to put up with me 24/7!
Later on a terrible family turned up. You know those families on Wife Swap? You cannot believe one group of people can be so foul mouthed, thick and common – they must be actors employed by Channel 4. I can now confirm that these families do actually exist and they were at The George this evening.
The wife had a face like it had been smashed with a baseball bat, one of the side teeth was so misaligned it was almost coming out of her cheek. The others were so common they made The Royle Family (note: not ROYAL Family) look upper class.
The teenage kid was obviously set to go the same way as his parents, he showed off his intelligence and caused great amusement for Watkins and I by observing a passenger jet flying overhead “Oh look!” he piped out, “a war plane!”. A war plane! WTF! The only possible person who could use a jumbo jet as a tool of war would be Al Qaeda terrorist trying to hijack it!
A good evening out and proof you don’t need television for comedy, all you need is to go to place there thickos reside and laugh at them!
After watching the England game this afternoon I noticed many things…
1) John Motson is the worst commentator ever. His comments are cringe worthy, his knowledge is non-existence and the man is an embarrassment. Why does the BBC keep him? In the end we pressed the red button and switched over to the FiveLive commentary – far better. I also had a quick listen to the “Children’s BBC Commentary”. I can honestly say that the kids are more professional commentators than Motty.
2) Sven is still a shit manager. His little outburst at the media the other day gave us all hope that the Swede may actually have something we haven’t seen in his five and a half year reign – emotion. While, Ulrika Johnson may disagree I am yet to see any passion from the man. Oh, and he is still tactically inept.
3) Owen Hargreaves is still a useless entity. See last month’s blog on that one.
4) The views and opinions held by most England fans change from day to day. After this afternoon, most of the supporters will be taking the attitude of “We’re not gonna win The World Cup.”. Had England stuffed Paraguay 4-0 everybody would be convinced Beckham and the boys would be Champions in four weeks time.
5) Anybody can become a World Cup referee, even if you are death, blind and dumb you’re in with a chance. Today’s official was either Paraguayan, had an IQ of 12, or being bribed.
6) England players cannot play in hot weather.
Still, we won anyway, England will probably win 4-0 on Thursday and it’ll be all smiles again.
Even though the game was slow an uneventful I still managed to put a mix together of the game. Have a listen here.
A joke for you all…
Three German children are in school talking about what their fathers do for a living.
The first child says “My dad is a doctor”
The second child says “My daddy is a lorry driver”
The third child shouts out “My father is a male stripper”
Everybody starts laughing at the third child and taking the piss, little do they know the third kid was actually lying. To avoid extreme embarrassment he wasn’t too truthful about his father’s occupation. His dad really is a defender for the German national football team.
And another….
A German lad goes shopping with his family. The boy goes into JJB and spots an England top, he really likes it. So he goes to find his mum and she slaps him twice and says “You stupid boy, you don’t like these people, we had a war with them, go speak 2 your dad.” So of he goes, he finds his dad and tells him he wants the shirt, his dad slaps him 3 times and calls him an idiot. Every German in there is disgraced………
On the way home in the car, the boys dad says “I hope you learned a lesson today boy” his son replies “Yes dad I have….” His dad smiles and says “What’s that lesson then son”….. Son says “I’ve been an England fan for just 1 hour and already I know I fucking hate Germans”
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
