Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on February 3, 2015 at 7:41 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments


It takes a lot to make me angry. Sure, I get pissed off on Saturday afternoons when referees give a bad decision against Bath City, or Leeds lose for the 20th time in a row. Generally, I get over such a trauma by the next day. I sometimes feel annoyed at work, but doesn’t everyone? Courier companies have been known to grind my gears too – especially when they throw your parcel over the garden wall – I’ll refrain from mentioning who this was, to save them embarrassment *Cough! Hermes…*

This evening, however, I did get mad. On the walk home from work, I saw lots of men wandering my street with clipboards. They were ringing lots of door bells. Our road seems to get targeted by charity muggers – aka ‘chuggers’ – on a frequent basis. I naturally thought that the clipboard-holding-door-knockers were of that group.

I reached my house and opened the front door, just as one of these ‘men’ were approaching my neighbours. The mystery man clocked me and I clocked him. I entered the house and warned Claire to expect the doorbell to ring and to ignore it.

As predicted, it rang. We ignored it. Somebody bashed the door, with what sounded like an industrial tool. Either Jack Nicholson’s mad, murderous character from The Shining was outside with an axe, or the man with the clipboard was desperate to speak to me. A few minutes passed and the doorbell rang again. I had enough. I answered the door.

A short, plump, balding man was on my doorstep. His chubby hands clutched a blue clipboard. He introduced himself “I’m from the Conservative Party”. That is when I went mad. I was brought up always eat my peas and carrots, but to also despise the Tories, and now that I am old enough to vote and do my own research, I totally agree with my parents’ decision to vote against them. I replied “I would never vote Tories!”. The man looked a little taken aback. He questioned who I intended to vote for in the next General Election. Rather rude. I told him that I would rather not say. I wouldn’t ask him personal questions like what he had for breakfast or the colour of his underpants. I was asked who I voted for last time. I informed him that it was Liberal Democrats, who I wouldn’t be voting for again as they joined forces with the Tory Boys.

I don’t think he’ll be coming round again…

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