I had a terrible start to my day. I woke up to find some animal had totally destroyed our rubbish bags, which had been left out for the bin men. This wasn’t just a small tear in the bag, they had been ripped to shreds spilling literally all our rubbish from the last week onto the street.

Bags of chips, used kitchen roll, old fruit, empty packets of curry, were all over the lawn, pavement and road.

Claire had to start work early, so it was up to me to tackle the mess by myself. It took almost half an hour, but I managed to tidy most of the mess – filling a brand new bin bag with rubbish, while spilling an old yoghurt down my work trousers – there was probably bin juice mixed in with it too. How disgusting!

We weren’t the only house to have their bins sabotaged. The houses opposite were also targeted. So what was behind the crime

The Cat

There are lots of felines on our street. I have fallen out with many of them, after they crapped all over my lawn. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were the creature behind the bin bag damage. If this is the case, all local cat owners should have helped me clean up the mess.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

We often get foxes on our street, and see them in even more abundance the night everyone puts their bins out. I guess for a fox, bin day is like Tesco delivery day for me, when lots of nice food arrives at my door. On Tesco delivery day, I gorge myself on chocolate, crisps and cake, while making one hell of a mess. Therefore, if it was a fox who tore into my bin bag, I can kind of excuse them for gorging on rotten eggs, soggy cornflakes and potato peel.

Seagulls

The bane of every Bathonian’s life (or at least that’s what the local paper will have you believe). They terrorise the city centre – mainly by pooing on people from a great height. Luckily, I don’t get many near where I live – something I was boasting about to a colleague just a few days ago. I think that I jinxed myself, and the baddest, meanest gang of gulls in Bath descended upon my front garden, to eat my rubbish.

Stig of the Dump

A character in a popular children’s book from the 1980’s. Stig is a child who lives in a rubbish tip. Back then, social services weren’t nearly as good as they are now. Stig collected rubbish and presumably ate a lot of it, in order to survive. Could Stig be to blame?

Whoever it was, I have learnt a big, big lesson and will be putting the bins out in the morning next week, so that no fox, cat, seagull or neglected child tears them open.