I always thought that supporting a Leeds team who were good, would be wonderful. Why is it then, that this season – Leeds United’s most successful in over 15 years – has generally been a horrible, stressful and downright scary experience?

Losing 5-1 to Bolton and being 1-0 down to Blackburn after 16 seconds, a few years ago, was enraging. However, at times I do wonder if when I was left feeling dejected and resigned to failure, things were better than they are now, where Leeds are winning most weeks. It was certainly less frightening being shit!

This lunchtime, Leeds play Sheffield United. Leeds are 2nd in the league, Sheffield United are 3rd. The top 2 teams in the league get promoted. As promotion is the aim, finishing 1st or 2nd is essential. While today’s result certainly won’t determine the outcome of the season – there will still be another 8 games of terror, before that’s decided – whatever happens later will play a huge part in determining the final outcome. What do you mean, I’m overreacting?

I think most Leeds fans – myself included – know that this is a freakishly successful season and failure to win promotion will result in our club having its factory reset button pressed during the summer, leading to another 15 years of shite, losing 7-0 to rubbish like Barnsley.

The game has selfishly been selected for television – meaning that there will be no hiding place for me and I’ll be forced to endure it. I know what you’re thinking – “you don’t have to watch it”. I do. Claire will have it on. She’ll want to watch the game and I have a feeling she thinks my football fears are weird. She may have a point.

I suppose I could vandalise the Sky dish. Attach it with a rope to my mobility scooter and ride off. Or maybe just remove and hide the viewing card.

No, I’ll be brave. I will watch the game. Mercifully, the match kicks off a lot earlier than normal. No doubt to stop Leeds fans worldwide biting their fingernails and fingers to the bone, from sheer nerves. 12.30pm is still too late for me. What’s wrong with 4.45am?

I don’t expect anyone who is not a fan of Leeds to understand the pain that I will be going through, over the 2 hour period between 12.30 and 2.30pm. However, to put it into context, below are some of the symptoms of the disease, rabies.

These symptoms are not only endured by the poor victims of the killer virus, but will also be felt by any Leeds supporter following the game later…

• a headache
• feeling anxious or generally unwell
• muscle spasms
• difficulty swallowing and breathing
• confusion or aggressive behaviour
• seeing or hearing things
• producing lots of saliva or frothing at the mouth

Pretty strong stuff. Before I finish this blog post, don’t think that I haven’t realised that you are probably reading this post-match, so will know the fulltime score and therefore, how I will have ended up…

SCENARIO 1 – LEEDS LOSS
Crying with clinical depression, over a vomit-filled sick bucket.

SCENARIO 2 – LEEDS WIN
Crying with unprecedented joy, over a vomit-filled sick bucket.

SCENARIO 3 – DRAW
Something in between #1 and #2.

Can I borrow that bucket?