LEGAL: To avoid getting sued for this blog post, I must state that all opinions stated below are based solely on my experience. Any statements from other sources are clearly identified as quotes.

When Claire and I bought our home in 2017, I thought that we were moving into a nice neighbourhood. Our charming three-bedroom house, located away from the roadside is blissful. Our neighbours are lovely too (OK, with one exception), keeping themselves to themselves, but always friendly when we meet on the communal pretty cul-de-sac.

Why is it then, that upon arriving home from work, I found that some toad had posted a dog turd through my letterbox?

I think that I had better explain myself. When I mention a “dog turd”, I am referring to my unpleasant find in the metaphorical sense.

No disease-ridden animal faeces had come anywhere near our house – although to someone like me, who requires daily medication to stay alive, the discovery was just as dangerous.

I assume, after that build up, that you want to see the hazardous widget, which I was ‘gifted’…

I know what you’re thinking. A letter. A chain letter at that. All rather innocuous. It is, assuming you pick up the envelope and place it in your paper recycling bin, ensuring the refuse collectors take it away at the next opportunity (in my case, Friday).

The problems start when you open the envelope. If you are stupid enough to sign up for the service, then God help you…

I am talking about Pharmacy2U. They originally sucked me in with the reassuring NHS logo on the envelope – something which angers my GP, who once told me that the company is in no way affiliated with the National Health Service.

I was fooled by them a few years ago. After my mobility became increasingly poor, making visiting the chemist near-impossible, I felt that I had no option but to approach a pharmacy who could deliver my many daily medications to my front door. This is something Pharmacy2U promised.

They failed.

Lots of times.

I sent their customer service department emails on a number of occasions, over many months. I would have rang, but their telephone lines were so busy, it would have been easier for me to limp my way to their head office in Leeds and ask to see somebody face-to-face.

The reasons for my exasperated communications, primary revolved around missing or severely delayed medication. Despite receiving the presectiption from my GP surgery, I experienced frequently late deliveries.

Pharmacy2U did have an excuse – one of the many medications I had ordered was out of stock. Sigh.

So many questions – not least, how could a major pharmaceutical company get to the stage where they were out of stock in the first place?

Why did it take so many days to order new stock?

If 1 of my 8 items (for example) was unavailable, why couldn’t the other 7 be posted to me, while they wait for the tablets which have gone astray to return?

I informed Pharmacy2U that the delayed medication was crucial to my health and well-being. They didn’t care. I may as well have said that I required the drugs as I liked the colours on the small, shiny capsules.

I was told that if I required my medication so urgently, I should ask my GP for another prescription and collect the life-saving drugs myself – thus totally defeating the reason for using a mail order pharmacy in the first place!

Thankfully, I am no longer a customer of Pharmacy2U. It was a hard break up. Hard for them, I was over the bloody moon.

Despite me telling them it was over, they kept bombarding me with prescription reminders.

On hindsight, I should have played them that song by The Streets, about getting dumped by a girl…

Dry your eyes mate,
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up.
There’s plenty more fish in the sea.

Dry your eyes mate,
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
but you’ve got to walk away now, its over…

Of course, my bad experience could be just that – my bad experience. All their other customers could be delighted with the service received. I may have been unlucky.

Then again, a simple search on Google for the offending pharmacy revealed this…

Is Pharmacy2U safe?

Pharmacy2U does not provide ‘safe, effective or well-led services’ in accordance with regulations, the Care Quality Commission (CQC) has found. In the report published on 29 June, inspectors listed several areas where the company must make improvements such as patient consent and emergency medical protocols.

29 Jun 2017

After today and the nappy in the bin (see earlier hyperlink), I hope that’s the end of dirty, unwanted gifts. Then again, they say things come in threes. Maybe I’ll get sent this…

Mein Kampf for the Instagram generation.