My “hilarious” colleague thought it would be funny to hijack my computer this afternoon, and while I was hard at work, my PC came under attack – up popped a huge message saying

Not being a homosexual myself, I can only guess it was a strange way of my workmate coming out; either that or a joke. Normally I would find this funny, but when you are speaking to a senior manager at the time, it is a tad embarrassing.

Jeremy Beadle died this evening from pneumonia. I always thought he would die in a tragic, yet hilarious accident at a wedding, or as a result of a football being kicked into his genitals by a young child.

Maybe he isn’t really dead. Maybe he is getting ready to return with a brand new series of Beadle’s About by jumping out of his coffin just before he is lowered into the oven.

If he isn’t planning a super comeback and is indeed dead, RIP Jeremy :o(

He may be a big, fat blabber-mouth; but Radio 1 DJ, Chris Moyles, speaks some sense on Dennis Wise’s treachery.

This will be the last time I will mention on the Dennis Wise incident. Sorry for boring the non-football fans.

The most annoying thing about Dennis Wise leaving Leeds is that I need to think of a new name for my hamster, who was named after the exiled manager. Any suggestions are welcome.

So Dennis Wise has left his job as Leeds United manager to become Kevin Keegan’s bitch at the ever-going circus of Newcastle United.

Wise notices the size Keegan’s manhood

Wise, the man who will be remembered for relegating Leeds United to the third tier of English football for the first time in history, has been struggling a bit of late; in fact, ever since head coach Gus Poyet left for Spurs. Call me sceptical, but I think Gus may have had more to do with Leeds’ wonderful start to the season than little old Dennis.

Gus Poyet – the master tactician

Kevin Keegan must be mad to appoint Wise. Over the years, the pint-sized cockney has proven himself to be an evil serpent, only looking after himself. Dennis will now have his eye on Keegan’s job, and will quite happily stab him in the back to get it. He will then leave his “beloved” Newcastle United and head for the next club which is offering a bigger pay-packet, regardless of how it leaves the Toon Army.

You would be unwise to trust Wise

I am not upset about Wise going. I am not even angry. The thing I am very annoyed about is the bullshit Wise spouted over the last 6 months about team spirit, sticking together, and his long term plans to get Leeds back to the Premiership. He is a liar and a bottler and not somebody I want associated with Leeds United Football Club.

Who do I want as a manager now? Easy. Gus Poyet. I believe Gus was the man to propel Leeds up the table, and think he would welcome a move to become an outright manager, after all, he has ambition (unlike Wise). Other names I would like include Sam Allardyce and Billy Davies; both good, proven managers, but have had their pride hurt of late and have something to prove. No Premiership or (decent) Championship clubs are in need of a new manager, so why not choose Leeds – a club with massive potential?

“Pick me!!! Pick me!!!”

Billy Davies celebrates Wise’s resignation – is the job his?

If I was to put a bet on who would get the job, my £2 would be on Paul Ince at MK Dons. He’s having a very good season, but to me, doesn’t seem much better than Wise. I would like chairman Ken Bates to take the opportunity to bring in a better manager than Dennis; someone who can handle a promotion chase and get into the Premiership. If Ince, Allardyce and Davies don’t want it, I suppose Leeds could always settle with José Mourinho.

“Where do I sign?”

“Barca or Leeds… Barca or Leeds…”

Bye bye Wise! Enjoy your money and your pay off next season when you and Kev are inevitably sacked!

No, I haven’t turned my blog into a porn site (although I probably have received 10,000,000 new hits). The pussy I am on about is the feline kind – i.e. pussy-cat.

Last week, my dad randomly went out and bought a kitten. At first I was sceptical. I don’t like cats and was annoyed he didn’t buy a dog instead – a much nicer animal. However, after spending an evening tormenting the poor creature* I have come to accept that this particular cat, along with lions and tigers, are cool.

The kitten got me thinking; when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet. When you drop toast on the floor, it always lands jam side down. So, what happens if you spread jam on a cat’s back and throw it off a table? I am yet to find out, but I predict it to hover in mid-air – either that or for the universe to implode.

* no cat was hurt during the making of this blog.

Last night’s trip to the local pub wasn’t the usual, fun experience. There was some party in the back room, and the whole place was full students.

From the looks of things, the party was in aid of Australia Day. What the fuck is all that about? Only the Aussies could be that self-obsessed to expect other countries to celebrate a day in their honour.

It wasn’t very Aussie themed, anyway. The prepubescent looking students who were enjoying the party, were drinking endless bottles of Irish cider, while the DJ blasted out American gangster rap. There was no sign of Rolf Harris, Karl Kennedy or Crocodile Hunter!

If the gangster rap wasn’t hard enough on my ears, there was live music at the bar. It wasn’t very good, but was very loud. At one point, I found myself sat between a crony attempting to sing Valerie by Razorlight, and Tim Westwood’s brother blasting out THE BEST GANGSTA RAP ALBUM IN THE WORLD… EVA! Both merged into one horrible, loud noise. Not nice.

Football can really suck sometimes. Yesterday was a dark day for me. I watched a very bad game at Twerton Park which saw Bath City lose 1-0 to Fisher Athletic. The poor performance of the players was only surpassed by that of the referee and linesman, who were shocking.

As I left the ground, I was comforted by the news that Leeds were beating Luton. When I got home, I learnt that Luton had scored a late goal and drew the game 1-1. What rubbish.

Looking at the leagues tables, I must now accept the fact that neither Bath City nor Leeds United will be champions this season. They must prepare for, and ensure they get into, the play offs – their only chance of promotion.

Leeds have an outside chance of getting the automatic promotion spot of second place, along with the ever-ongoing possibility of having their 15 points returned, but it looks unlikely.

Dark, yet very enjoyable movie. Rather gory, but with very satisfying killings. The kind of film which makes you take the side of who would normally be the villain.

Didn’t realise it was a musical, and when I found out (in the opening scene), I feared the worse. Luckily the singing was kept to a minimum and when they did break out into song, it was well done.

Next time I go to The Raven for a pie, I will think twice before tucking in!

I briefly turned on the Manchester United TV station, MUTV this evening. I am certainly not a subscriber, but a semi-legal football TV channel I do subscribe to was receiving a feed from it for a match between Man Utd and the Arabian club, Al Hilal.

A few observations I have made from the official television station of the Red Scum, I mean Devils.

• The commentator has a southern accent. Bearing in mind Manchester United is a northern club, I find this a little strange. Then I remembered – they have to cater for the majority of their fans; most of whom are based in Cornwall.

• I think the commentator will have to change his underwear at half time. From the sounds of things, is is becoming aroused everytime Cristiano Ronaldo touches the ball.

• Manchester United certainly think a lot of themselves. The commentator announced “I am sure if we score, there will be a massive roar from the home crowd as they love us”. What arrogance and an insult to the fanatic supporters of Al Hilal.

• Rio Ferdinand is shit. He was at fault for Al Hilal’s first goal and gave away a penalty. Friendly match or not, he’s rubbish and an overrated, duckbilled moron.

You may be wondering, why am I still watching MUTV if I hate it so much? Well, I’ve turned it off.