Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on September 2, 2019 at 11:12 pm in Me Vs. The World, Shopping with No Comments

I must admit, I was a little surprised by the two delivery men, who dumped a box, presumably holding our mattress and not a dead lion (it certainly looked heavy enough), on our bed, before fleeing the house. They couldn’t have got away faster!

Would it have killed those two burly gentlemen to unbox and fit the heavy, bulky double mattress for us? Did they not notice the wheelchair ramp and stair lift? It was clear I’d be of as much help as our pet Netherland Dwarf rabbit. That left Claire to deal with all the lifting and shifting on her own!

Claire did manage to succeed, where two apparently strong delivery men from AO failed. The mattress is now on our bed, from where I am blogging, while Claire sleeps.

Initial impressions for me are good. Only time will tell if this mattress works out long-term for the two of us. If not, I’ll be phoning Dr. Walter Palmer, to ask that he deals with it. Dr. Walter is the the dentist who famously murdered Cecil the lion in 2015. Therefore he has history of taking out lions. Poor Simba.

As for AO, be warned about Laurel and Hardy – the pair of otiose so-and-sos sent to “help” us today. Let’s just hope old lady Eiffel doesn’t get the two berks, when it’s time to deliver her aga cooker…

Posted by sean on September 1, 2019 at 9:09 pm in Shopping with No Comments

Tomorrow looks set to be an exciting day in Château de Kitson. We will be taking delivery of a brand new mattress.

Our current mattress is six years old, and has served us well for over 2,000 nights sleep. It has started to become uncomfortable and needs replacing.

Normally a new mattress would be the most boring things you could ever purchase – second only to toilet roll – and something even I couldn’t spin a blog post from. However, this is no normal mattress. This one shares its name with a Walt Disney character. No, it’s not King Louie or Jiminy Cricket.

My thinking was, why replace a plain and boring mattress with another plain and boring mattress? It would feel like throwing money away.

I was therefore able to convince Claire that it would be a good idea to spend a bit more money on a mattress, which is nice to sleep on.

Instead of chucking our money down the drain, we would be giving it, plus a bit more, to a craftsman capable of making us a nice mattress…

You must have seen the TV advert…

A thing of beauty, isn’t it!

Clearly it costs a bit more than your regular mattress, which is advertised by a hippopotamus and a duck, but just look at its name – ‘Simba’!

I’ve seen enough nature documentaries to known that lion cubs sleep very well…

Hippos and ducks, on the other hand, wallow in rivers and muddy swamps. If I wanted a nights kip to that standard, I’d book into a Holiday Inn – based upon personal experience, for any lawyers reading.

Posted by sean on April 4, 2019 at 11:26 pm in Shopping with No Comments

After doing a bit of online shopping earlier in the week, I found myself purchasing more stuff online today…

Posh water bottle

Posh biccy tin

Unlike the rabbit things from the other day, my latest buy was totally free – I didn’t pay a single penny.

I have the people at Yeo Valley to thank for that, as well as my mum, who loves their yoghurts and supplies me with the promotional lids. These lids contain codes, which, if you collect enough, can be redeemed against goodies such as the two delights I ordered today.

Posted by sean on April 2, 2019 at 8:58 pm in Shopping with No Comments

Claire and I finally found something to buy, using the Next gift card, which we received as a wedding present – almost four years ago!

We went a little bunny crazy…


Posted by sean on February 21, 2019 at 11:45 pm in Shopping with No Comments

Following on from yesterday’s blog, where I discovered the horrifying cost of buying a Terminator robot toy (and having to build it yourself), I later saw another advert, for another product equally expensive – in fact, it’s slightly worse…

I’m talking about

An actual battleship! I hear Donald Trump has already ordered 10 subscriptions.

Let’s hope he’s not hoping to send his fleet to North Korea, Russia or Mexico anytime soon. There are 140 issues…

The fact it’ll take Donald Trump, 3 years to receive all the magazines and battleship parts, isn’t the worst part.

What will make me steer clear of this product – besides not having the patience to build the damn thing – is that it’ll cost £1,248.60 to buy all the issues! That’s more expensive than that Terminator doll.

I suppose it can be seen as good value. For example, take a top of the range, modern warship – the Arleigh Burke-Class Destroyer.

This impressive-sounding son of a bitch, costs $1.6 billion – about £1.22 billion. The scale model of the ship in the magazine is 1:200.

200 multiplied by the cost of completing the magazine subscription – £1,248.60 – is £249,720 (note the comma, NOT the dot!). That means the so-called modern warship, the Navy are presumemly buying, costs £1,219,750,280 more than 200 model ships.

Now, if all that logic makes sense to you, you can only be one man… Hello, Mr. President.


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