Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on November 15, 2017 at 7:46 pm in Shopping with No Comments

If you live in the modern world, you’ve probably bought something from Amazon. Even if, like me, you despise tax evasion, which they are well known for. To boycott such companies, you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face, simply to prove a point. Shamefully, not only do I but a lot of things from Amazon, I am also a Prime member.
What I am pleased to say, however, is that I rarely pay for the service. As I have previously said, I buy a lot online. I rarely go to the shops. Therefore, most things I buy, come from Amazon. Over the course of a month, an order is delayed. While this would annoy most people, it pleases me. The reason that I get excited by a late delivery, is because any hindrance caused to me by Amazon, however small, means a month’s free Prime!

All I do is monitor my orders. As soon as I notice that one may be late, I email their customer service department to complain. Try this yourself. Don’t be rude, but remember to use phrases like “As a Prime customer, I expect my orders to be delivered on time”. Another good one is to point out the fact Amazon state “Guranteed” when referring to the delivery date.

You may think that this is a little petty, but remember, I was given £10 last week, because Amazon delivered Call of Duty 4 a day late. Yesterday, I managed to get a months free Prime, worth £7.99, because some of my Christmas shopping did not arrive when it should have.

If you still feel uneasy about this kind of behaviour, remember Amazon’s tax dodging naughtyness… then call a free months Prime a tax rebate.

Posted by sean on January 7, 2016 at 6:18 pm in Life In Bath, Shopping with No Comments

I went into town today. Things never seem to go well when I go there, and today appeared to be no exception. Five minutes into our car journey, we had to turn around and go back. I had been a tit. We had been given a voucher for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, as a Christmas present. Unfortunately, there isn’t a Krispy Kreme in Weston Village, so the only place to use our voucher is in town. I suppose it’s a good thing that there isn’t a KK down the road, as I would probably weigh 50 stone.

Town wasn’t the busy hell hole it usually is. The kids were all back in school and the students were nowhere to be seen – probably in lessons, or down the pub. Yes, down the pub. This left just left lots of elderly dears, trying to find a bargain in the January sales; as well as mothers and their babies. It was all very subdued – which is a good thing. In the past, people have been mad – totally unaware of their surroundings and therefore ploughing their shopping trollies into the aisles, each other and my shins!

I was kindly given a Super Dry hoody for Christmas. It came with a voucher, enabling me to a £25 discount when I spend £75. I knew all too well that it was a ploy to get me into their shop and I ALMOST fell for it. The only thing which stopped me from spending money, was the fact that the only stuff left in their sale was crap, and Claire being the voice of reason, telling me that I already have a wardrobe full of clothes.

We looked in Game. I was hoping to find a bargain, but not expecting anything. I wasn’t wrong. A copy of Zelda for the Wii U, second hand, for £39.99. FORTY QUID for a used game. Pink Planet Games Exchange will be spinning in its grave.

Far too much money was spent in Marks and Spencer, considering we had only received a Tesco delivery yesterday – but they do sell very nice food. Tonight we have a luxury pizza, although considering we were originally going to eat out in town and decided against it, we are probably up financially.

After what seemed liked we had been in town for five years, with my feet ready to drop off, we finally made it to Krispy Kreme. We had to pick a dozen doughnuts – six each. This is always a challenge and I feel on the spot, as the server waits on patiently for me to make my selection. I don’t work well under pressure and am worried I’ll say something wrong. I guess this is what it’s like to be on a game show, like The Chase.

The drive home was dangerous. Dangerous because there were so many people on the road, who don’t know how to operate their cars. Most of the peril occurred in the car park, while drivers desperately tried to find somewhere to park. We had no issues parking on the ground floor. People are clearly too lazy to go that far down though – they’d literally drive their cars up and down the shopping aisles if they could.

When we finally got back home, we dined on doughnuts and some of our M&S findings. I’d like to say that the rest of the afternoon was a calm and relaxing one – we certainly needed it, after the madness of Bath City Centre. Instead we had to rearrange the entire utility room, ahead of delivery of a tumble dryer tomorrow. We then had to box up all our Christmas crap, move it to the garage, before vacuuming everywhere. Phew! Tomorrow, I fully intend to do f-all.

Posted by sean on December 3, 2015 at 4:50 pm in Christmas, Shopping with No Comments

When my work colleagues told me the date of this year’s Black Friday, I thought “SHIT”. I had already planned to visit Clarks Village, with Claire and her parents, to do Christmas shopping, on that day. I envisaged the small town of Street, where Clarks Village is based, being awash with tens of thousands of bargain hunters, all fighting over a half price pair of jeans in Next.

Luckily, my worries about Black Friday were unnecessary. Street was relatively quiet and I enjoyed a nice walk around the shops. This is some statement for me, as I usually hate shopping. There are many things in life which I prefer to shopping, which include having a filling at the dentist and unblocking the toilet with my bare hands. Street was nice, though, and I ended up buying some good presents for other people… and some treats for myself from the Cadbury store and Body Shop!

Halfway through our shopping trip, we went into Pizza Express for lunch. This is always a popular place to go. After all, who doesn’t like pizza? The food was as amazing as always, but the cleanliness of the seating area left a lot to be desired. What appeared to be tomato sauce was smeared all over the table, where I was sat, and up the wall. It was as if there had been a pizza fight. I should have really said something to the waiter, but was feeling all Christmassy, so let it go. I was also too embarrassed to get my mobile phone out and take a photo.

The vast majority of my shopping has been done online. Amazon has done very well indeed from me this year – their shares have no doubt rocketed. This has resulted in loads and loads of parcels being delivered over the past few days. I am sure the poor chap who delivers my packages, hates me right now. I think I annoyed Claire a bit too, as she has days off in the week, due to working night and weekend shifts, so had her rest disturbed by frequent bangs on the door from delivery men.

Now all my shopping is complete, I’ve got the unpleasant task of wrapping the gifts I have bought. I don’t know why, but I am totally useless at wrapping. When I hand presents out on Christmas morning, it looks like they’re from the dog. Claire, on the other hand, along with most women, wrap gifts perfectly. Basically, women can wrap presents, men can’t. I have no idea why that is. Clearly something to do with evolution.

Posted by sean on June 4, 2015 at 4:09 pm in Shopping with No Comments

If there is one guaranteed way to look smooth, suave and sophisticated, it is drinking water from a glass bottle with a posh lid on it. You know the kind of water I mean. You get it in up-market restaurants. The bottle’s already on the table, waiting for you to open it, but you never do, because you know you’ll be charged £5,000, or something equally ridiculous like a kidney, for doing so.

This water was therefore only reserved for the super-rich or politicians dining out and putting everything down as “expenses”. That is until now. I recently discovered a new brand of bottled water called Voss. It comes in a very fancy looking glass bottle and is an affordable price! Just under £1.50 from Tesco. Needless to say I bought a bottle immediately after discovering it!

The water tastes like… well, water. Apparently it’s from Norway. Where in Norway, I don’t know. I would expect it to be from an ancient spring, which contains loads of healing benefits. But for all I know, it could come from a Norwegian bathroom tap.

Anyway, I drank the water. Since then, I have used the bottle twice – refilling it with Bath water. Not dirty bath water leftover after you have had a wash. Bath water, as in water from a kitchen tap, in the City of Bath. To me, it tasted like the Norwegian stuff. You may scoff at me for wasting my money, but I didn’t buy the water for the water, I bought it for the bottle.

Hopefully all this cheap posh stuff is a sign of things to come and I will soon be able to buy an Aston Martin for a tenner and a Rolex Watch in Poundland.

Posted by sean on April 11, 2015 at 5:55 pm in Shopping with No Comments

I must remember to be careful when doing the online shop. While searching for a nice rice dish for my lunch, I stumbled across this

Turns out it is dog food.

Honestly… dogs nowadays don’t know they’ve been born. They eat better than most people.

Just look at the dog on the packet. He looks happy. I’d be happy too, if I was dining on rice and chicken everyday.

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