Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 31/07/2017 at 5:58 pm in England with No Comments

For years, I have watched England enter both World Cups and European Championships. Every time, I have believed that this will be our year, the players will gel, performing as well for their country as they do their club and lead our nation to victory. Every tournament – usually ten minutes into the opening match – my dreams go up in smoke.

Did I mention I was talking about the England men? You know – Wayne Rooney, John Terry, Ashley Cole – those useless gobshites.

Luckily, our country has a football team to be proud of. There are three differences between this new team and the one associated with the likes of Sven, Roy Hodgson and ongoing failure.

The differences are…
1) They really want to win for their country
2) They’re not shit
3) They are women

The Lionesses, who two years ago came 3rd in the World Cup, two years ago, have now reached the semi-finals of the European Championships, having beaten Scotland, Spain, Portugal and France. Imagine the men claiming victories against these teams – they can’t even beat Scotland!

It isn’t just the English girls who are a joy to watch. Players from all sides in the competition generally want to win. Remarkably, there is no diving, no theatrical performances, after a foul or mistimed tackle, and no surrounding the referee, after a decision is made that they don’t like. You would never see this in a match involving men.

In fact, the vast majority of aspects we all complain about, don’t seem to be present in the women’s game.

England play their next game on Thursday night, against the host nation – The Netherlands. I am sure that they will continue to do themselves and our country proud. Let’s all get behind them and give the girls the support they deserve!

Posted by sean on 21/07/2016 at 2:30 pm in England with No Comments

I’m putting it out there now – it’ll end in tears. Tears and a huge pay off for Allardyce when he is sacked.

Posted by sean on 28/06/2016 at 10:08 pm in England with No Comments

I’m not going to spend long doing this blog, as I don’t want to waste anymore of my life on the useless shower of shit that is the England National Football Team.

I’ll admit that I thought England would beat Iceland, but only because “on paper”, they should. I also had a very bad feeling about the game. A bad feeling because I have seen England teams fail time after time, in an unacceptable and humiliating fashion, during major tournaments.

The England footballers live in their own bubble, isolated from the rest of the world, where they believe that they are superior to every man, woman, child and non-English footballer. With that attitude, which has followed them around, like a fart in a car, since Euro 96, they thought they would just have to turn up in Nice and Iceland would roll over and be crushed.

Iceland had other ideas. With a population of just over 300,000 that means there are approximately 150,000 men. That leaves about 30,000 men between the age of 18 and 40 to choose from. That is less than the attendance at Elland Road. Iceland could turn up at Leeds United and pick 23 fans from the crowd, to play for them – and guess what, I bet that team would beat England too! An England side whose players get tens of thousands of pounds a week – millions of pounds a year – EACH! For what? Being English.

The England players are average, but because they’re English, cost a hell of a lot more than their superior foreign counterparts. They therefore think they are some form of football God. They’re not a God, they’re just lucky. Lucky that they live in a country which has a franchise known as The Premier League. Lucky that they’re surrounded by talented foreign players, who carry them throughout their club career, and make them look better than they are. They didn’t do anything to justify their millions, besides being born in England. If they had been born in Iceland, France or Germany, their weekly pay packet would be much smaller.

The result didn’t surprise me. I’ve seen England crash out of more tournaments than I care to remember. What did surprise me is the levels of shit they stoop to during every tournament.

The manager, Roy Hodgson has been equally embarrassing as they players. He should have left after the last World Cup, which was the most humiliating experience I have every witnessed as an England fan – until yesterday. Yes, he resigned yesterday – well fuckin’ done – Roy’s contract was up anyway. Had he had any decency, he would have resigned two years ago, but oh no, with his multi-million pound pay packet, Hodgson can revel in getting rich for failing (just like the players).

Roy was given years to find his preferred team, but even during the tournament he didn’t know his best formation or players. What a useless shit. The only thing you can guarantee is he will find a way to get Wayne Rooney into the team. England are full of average players, and Rooney isn’t even the best player in that team! He was great in Euro 2004, but that was over a decade ago!

I don’t know who will replace Hodgson. Whoever it’ll be will be the wrong appointment, as The FA never ever get it right. I really fear that they will go for Gareth Southgate – the England Under 21 manager. Southgate may have worked with the youngsters, but he has been everything the failure with them that Hodgson was with the senior flops. If the FA dare appoint Southgate, I’ve had it with them.

Posted by sean on 17/06/2016 at 5:58 pm in England with No Comments

My time this past week has mainly been spent watching football. Lots and lots of football. I am loving the Euro 2016 tournament and there have only been a few games that I have missed, and this was because I was working while they were on.

Here are my thoughts on the tournament so far. These ramblings only cover England. I will try to blog my other thoughts on the tournament over the next few days…

I watched the Russia game, safely segregated from my meerkats. This match can be summed up in one word. FRUSTRATING! Russia are a poor team, but England struggled to break them down and had to rely upon a free kick from a defender, Eric Dier, to score. Despite the frustrations, I was encouraged by the team’s spirit and work ethic. What I was not encouraged by, is the team being typical England and throwing it all away in the final minute. That’s right, Russia scored with a good, but flukey goal, right at the end. I was so annoyed that night. My annoyance lasted into the following day too, and even into the start of the next week.

The build up to England’s second game against Wales, was huge, massive and enormous – as big as Steve Evans’ underpants, before he lost all the weight. Gareth Bale – the Welsh star player was piping up all week, claiming how Wales had more pride and passion, and how not one England player could get into their team. Go home, Gareth – you’re drunk!

I must admit, I was a little nervous before the game. Not because I think Wales are better than England – they’re not. I was worried because England are England, and have traditionally bottled everything during a major tournament. We haven’t won a knockout game in 10 years, and even that was against Ecuador, who are most famous for sharing their name with a popular dance track from the 1990s. Ten years. TEN YEARS! Just let that settle in for a minute…

Like in the Russia game, England started well. Raheem Sterling missed an absolute sitter. How he is worth £40,000,000, I have no idea. To spice things up and increase the ‘banter’, the BBC stuck proud Welshman, Robbie Savage, on commentary duties. Savage was a crap and annoying football player. He is an equally crap and annoying football commentator.

Wales were OK, but were generally happy to defend, defend, defend. That was, until Wayne Rooney stupidly gave away a needless free kick. To his credit, Rooney has played really well for England during this tournament, but it was still a very silly foul to concede. The predictable shit storm, that always follows England, then erupted. Pissing diarrhoea rained down on every proud Englishman. That’s right, Garteh Bale scored. It was a great goal, and well done to him and Wales, but the England goalkeeper, Joe Hart, should have done a lot better.

Going into the half time break, 1-0 down, things looked bad. The Welsh mocked us, with songs of “England’s going home”. England manager, Roy Hodgson, then performed a miracle (something his critics say he should have done all along), and brought on two of our most attacking players – Jamie Vardy and Daniel Sturridge.

Wales continued to defend and Savage became more and more nervous (and annoying). Midway through the second half, England’s resiliance pays off and Vardy scores. 1-1. Get in. Game on! Wales seemed happy with their draw, and continued with their tactics of ‘parking the bus’. Given the fact they had won their opening game and England had only drawn theirs, a draw against England would be a fantastic result for Wales. Then, something magical happened. In the final minute of the game, Roy’s second substitute, Daniel Sturridge, ran through the Welsh defence and SOMEHOW scored. The stadium erupted, Claire and I (watching on TV) started screaming, there were players and coaches on top of each other – it was mental.

The game ended 2-1. England are top of the group and in with an amazing chance of reaching the second round. It also gives two fingers to both of Garth Bale’s bizarre claims that England have no team spirit and that Wales have better players than us. Think before you speak, Gareth. Chat shit – get banged.

As for Roy Hodgson – he has taken a lot of stick recently. Some of it has been justified. He was criticised for not seeing the game out against Russia, and allowing them to equalise. If he is blamed when things go wrong, surely he should be credited with England’s success. Along with the players, Roy helped us turn the game around yesterday and beat Wales. Well done, Roy! Well done.

Posted by sean on 23/05/2016 at 3:36 pm in England with No Comments

Why did nobody tell me until yesterday that England’s game against Wales in Euro 2016 was being held on a Thursday at 2pm? This means that I will be in work for the entire match!

I have since requested the afternoon off. No doubt, half the people in England and Wales will do the same. The streets will be deserted, apart from tumbleweed in England and stray sheep in Wales.

If you want to commit a crime – say driving your sports car down the dual carriageway at 150mph – this will be the perfect time, as nobody will be around to catch you… seriously, please don’t break the speed limit, as I’d hate to be responsible for any accidents.

Work will probably be quiet that afternoon, unless everyone decides to stream the game from the BBC website and bring the entire network, which is entirely possible.

I can’t wait for the game. The anticipation; the excitement; the traditional let down when England lose 1-0 to a Gareth Bale free kick.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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