Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on December 6, 2018 at 10:50 pm in Life In Bath, Me Vs. The World with No Comments


You know those horror movie sequels where the killer comes back for more, only in a more extreme way? Well that is what happened to me today, except this monster wasn’t a cannibal, great white shark or zombie. I was being targeted by Richard Branson…

You’ll recall my encounters with Virgin Media last month (here and here). This morning, the trouble came to my front door – literally!

In his bid to take over the world, or maybe just offer the residents of Weston an alternative to Sky TV, Dickie Branson deemed it necessary to dig up the path from my house to the street.

Unfortunately, as I use a mobility scooter, I would have been unable to squeeze past the deep gashes into the pavement. Unlike a couple of weeks ago, there was no alternative route, meaning Virgin Media had left me housebound. Nice to see that the company values the well-being of potential new customers and the general public.

To make matters even worse, the digger found it necessary to drive onto my garden path. This is private land. Never mind, this had all been organised by Richard Branson, who will do whatever the f**k he likes. Maybe I’ll trespass onto his private island. It’ll be a nice holiday. Somehow, I doubt that I’ll get away with that, though.

I did report these issues by ringing the complaints hotline. The complaints hotline was busy. No comment.

The advisor on the phone did not apologise for my distress. Was this a case of “Don’t say sorry, as this admits guilt”, or was he just being rude?

My concerns were escalated to the site manager, who visited my house. He was pleasant enough and even managed to apologise, promising that “it’ll never happen again”. No, I don’t think it will, considering the cable has already been laid.

Oh well. I’ll be sticking to Sky and not touching Virgin Media with a 10 foot pole. It says a lot about my feelings towards Dickie, when I favour a firm owned by Rupert Murdoch over his.

Posted by sean on November 22, 2018 at 4:55 pm in Life In Bath, Me Vs. The World with No Comments


The pavement was still unavailable this morning, as Virgin Media were continuing to dig up the street.

I therefore had to take another detour to work. My journey to the office was a tad less stressful than my ride home the night before. Firstly, it was daylight. I also knew the route to take, so didn’t find myself lost in the backstreets of Weston.

The diversion did, however, add time to my journey – approximately 10 minutes extra each way.

This may not seem a lot, but considering I can normally make the trip in just 8 minutes, that is a 125% increase!I therefore feel that Sir Richard Branson should have to pay me for my wasted time – a grand total of 20 minutes…

A quick search on Google revealed that Richard earns an annual salary of $6,450,000. This can be broken down to roughly $736.30 an hour. For 20 minutes, he will earn $245.43. I feel I am entitled to this.

At the current rate of exchange, I am set to receive £190.53 – although I’ll just settle for a Hive webcam. I’ll even use Virgin Money to change the dollars into pounds.

If you are concerned that Rich will suffer financially and be unable to feed his family, as a result of my pay-out, consider this – all I am asking for is 0.0038051162790697676% of his annual summary. Needless to say, he wouldn’t be forced into visiting a food bank.

Posted by sean on November 21, 2018 at 11:40 pm in Life In Bath, Me Vs. The World with No Comments


My journey home from work took a little longer than normal, this evening.

Part of the pavement on my route home had been destroyed and was impassable. “Who could have done this blatent act of destruction?”, I hear you ask. “Terrorists? Vandals?”. It was neither of those, although you would have a fair argument if you were to call what had taken place vandalism.

The pavements had been dug up, apparently, fully legally. The responsible party being none other than Richard Branson. Well, not him personally. He wasn’t on Penn Hill Road, bouncing on top of a pneumatic drill. His company, Virgin Media, were laying cables, so we could all enjoy the fantastic services on offer. Cough! It didn’t even appear to be Virgin employees carrying out the work – they had contracted maintenance workers to do their dirty deeds. I call them “workers”, I’ve seen fewer cowboys in Red Dead Redemption.

This blog isn’t one of my “Sean VS The World”, Victor Meldrew rants. As many of you know, I use a mobility scooter. I was unable to complete my regular route home.

Not being prepared to ride in the main road, I took my scooter down a poorly lit side street. While there, I spent considerable time, searching for a dropped kerb, as my scooter cannot simply mount any pavement. When you’re looking for a dropped kerb, it’s amazing how few of them there are! In the end, I located one, after riding up yet another side street, this time in almost total darkness.

I did make it home, safe and well, if not a little aggrieved and upset. I find the whole thing very selfish and inconsiderate by Virgin Media. They will argue that we were warned that highway maintenance was due to be carried out. In reality, a note was put through our letterbox this morning, after Billy the Kid had began removing slabs of concrete.

I am certainly not the only person who would have been affected by Virgin’s appallingly actions – other disabled people and parents with children from nearby schools would have also suffered.

I sent a very strongly worded email to Virgin Media. I fully expect to receive some standard, pre-written spiel back, as a reply. I therefore copied my MP and local councillors into the email. It’ll probably achieve nothing, but I would hope that Richard Branson’s Magnificent Seven are not allowed to continue working in the manner which they have been.

Posted by sean on November 16, 2018 at 1:42 pm in Life In Bath, Work Activities with No Comments


Upon leaving my house for work, this morning, I discovered that, just feet from my front door, somebody had left a small, sealed black bag. Presumably, this bag was filled with dog poo – at least if it was excrement, I hope it came from a dog and not some neighbour with a broken toilet.

How lazy is that? The dog owner goes to the effort of picking up his pet’s waste (one reason that I will never own a dog*), only to leave it in the street, where it was presumably originally dropped from the creature’s anus.

* yes, I own a rabbit and yes, I do come into contact with his droppings. In my defence, rabbit poo is not messy, stinky or crawling with parasites that blind children. I also don’t have to degrade myself by bending down, to pick up Roman’s poop from the pavement.

The owner shouldn’t have bothered picking up the crap. That’s not to say I don’t deplore the selfish people who leave their dog’s vile, toxic waste all over the street.

Had the raw poo been left, it would have washed away in the rain and eventually decomposed. Leaving it wrapped up, like some horrible children’s party bag, it’ll never decompose and sit outside my house forever more, or until somebody – odds on, not the dog’s owner – disposes of it.

I bet the bag is still there when I return from work, and I bet I run over it with my scooter, having not seen it in the dark.

My morning drama was not over. Thankfully, I managed to arrive at work unscaved. Having evaded the bag of effluence, there were other hazards to deal with, including small children on bikes, adults transfixed by their mobile phones and therefore not looking where they were going, along with vast piles of wet leaves on the pavement.

Bath and North East Somerset Council have no doubt decided to ignore the leaves, rather than paying someone the minimum wage to sweep them up. No doubt ignorance is the cheapest option for my local authority, who are willing to take the risk of getting sued by a little old lady, having smashed her hip to pieces, after slipping on the rotting vegetation.

Having survived an adventure to work, similar to that of a Lord of the Rings novel, I was surprised to arrive early at my desk.

With it being a Friday, I decided to push the boat out and make myself a coffee. Unfortunately, the boat wasn’t the only thing I pushed – my mug, filled with the remains of yesterday afternoon’s coffee, tipped over, as I reached for it. Stale, cold coffee went everywhere. It is amazing how just a small amount of leftover beverage could make such a bloody mess!

Yesterday, my custom built office chair arrived. I have been waiting since April for this chair, which cost over a grand. The second most expensive chair in the country (after The Queen’s throne), avoided being showered in coffee, by literally centre meters.

Cue a quick dash on my mobility scooter to the kitchen, to collect paper towels. I am normally such a careful driver, but in this instance, I would have happily mowed anyone down at four miles per hour, in my attempt to clean my desk.

Half a tree of paper and a bottle of Dettol later, my workspace was clean. No doubt vast quantities of my spillage fell onto the floor; but as a department, we have practically destroyed the office carpet, with drinks and various bodily fluids, during the four years we have occupied the building.

Hopefully there will be no more messy disasters today and I will make it to the weekend unscathed. I doubt it…

Posted by sean on October 30, 2018 at 7:49 pm in Life In Bath with No Comments


After spending an afternoon in front of a computer, in a hot and stuffy office, escaping into the autumnal air is a delight which money cannot buy.

My journey home took me through cool and refreshing air, with the pleasant smell of smoke from a nearby wood fire.

As the clocks had been put back an hour a few days ago, the sky was a lot darker than previous weeks.

Leaves from the many trees in the fields, which I pass on the way home, had fallen in numbers onto the pavement.

Tonight was the first time that I was disappointed to only live 10 minutes from work, as I could have happily continued my picturesque journey home for a lot longer.

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