Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on January 26, 2011 at 9:52 pm in Bath City with No Comments


Last night. 8.30pm. 2-0 down to top of the table AFC Wimbledon. Feeling a tad pessimistic.

Bath City’s Marc Canham then scores a world class free kick, to make David Beckham’s infamous effort against Greece look like a scrappy tap in. As Andy Gray might say, “Take a bow, son”, before slapping the arse of a female colleague.

As the match drew to a close and the score 2-1, I commented to a fellow fan “At least this prevents Crawley from going top of the league”. Cue an equaliser for City and total madness.

?

Posted by sean on January 25, 2011 at 5:52 pm in Football, Television with No Comments


So, the so-called king of Sky Sports, Andy Gray, has been sacked. What a shame. I loved hearing his monotonous tones and Manchester United bias every week. The bloke is so up his own arse, I am not surprised this has happened.

Now Gray has left, it does beg the question “what will he do next?”

To look at the options available, I have borrowed Andy’s massive touch screen thingy to demonstrate what he can do…


OPTION 1:
The Job Centre. The easy option. Free money and the chance to meet Sam Allardyce, Roy Hodgson and the entire cast of The Jeremy Kyle Show. He’ll fit right in.

OPTION 2:
The England Women National Football Team. I am sure with his wealth of experience in football, Mr. Gray will be welcomed with open arms by the sportswomen – especially if he volunteers to allow them to practice their tackling. The England Women are certanly as capable as Ryan Shawcross at performing a nasty two-footed challenge.

OPTION 3:
Premier Sports. Not fun for their subscribers, as they would have to listen to the moron; but the thought of Gray stuck on a dodgy, leaking gantry, commentating on Histon against Hayes and Yeading, on a cold Thursday night does amuse me.

Posted by sean on January 24, 2011 at 11:06 pm in Shopping with No Comments


I have been reliably informed that my local grocery store has closed down. Apparently it is just for the week while it is refurbished, which is somewhat of a disappointment.

As past readers of my blog will know, I am not a major fan of the shop – mainly due to the rude staff who work there, selling out of date food, making the customers queue for hours upon end and on one occasion trying to steal my lottery ticket (or at least forgetting to give it to me). To add insult to injury, it was a Euromillions rollover.

While I am not a fan of major businesses forming a monopoly and taking over the country like a giant pool of jam, I would love for my local supermarket (if you can use the word ‘super’) to be replaced by one of those Tesco Metros you see appearing almost everywhere these days.

I know this is rather unlikely, and this time next week the shop will re-open like nothing has happened, with its obnoxious twats who call themselves ‘staff’, serving customers who have aged ten years while waiting in line to be buy a loaf of bread or some other shit overprice produce.

I’m not really that angry, just letting off steam after negative feelings about the local shop have built up over 15+ years. Therapy required? No. Just a pissing Tesco Metro on my doorstep… I’d even take a Lidl!

Today’s blog swear count: 3
I apologise

Posted by sean on January 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


The other day I received a letter from my home contents insurer, advising that my cover is ready to be renewed. I am a bit scared of opening the letter, in case the Go Compare man appears from nowhere and starts singing at me. When I do pluck up the courage to have a look, I’ll make sure I have a kitchen knife to hand so I’m ready to stab him should he jump out from behind the sofa.

Posted by sean on January 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm in Bath City with No Comments


Highlight of the Day:
Beating Altrincham 3-0. 3 MASSIVE points.

Funny Moment of the Day:
The most miserable barman I have ever seen. Ironically, there was a sign behind the bar promising that the staff always have a “friendly smile”

Most Enraging Moment of the Day:
Meeting a coach load of Bath-based Manchester United supporters at Stafford Services, no doubt on their way to Old Trafford. Support your local team, you twats!

Most Unusual Sight of the Day:
A Manchester United fan was spotted actually in Manchester. I guess he could have got lost on his way from Plymouth to Old Trafford.

Most Alarming Moment of the Day:
A Bath City fan, not going to the game, writing on Facebook “Game off” while we were on route. He was lying.

Apology of the Day:
From me. For this dog shit blog, which is probably full of typos and spelling mistakes. I’m blogging from the coach on my iPhone.

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