Posted by sean on April 12, 2019 at 8:39 am in Cider with No Comments

I hate that new Strongbow advert. The one where happy people gather in a warm, inviting-looking pub, to listen to live music, from that world-renowned duo, Rob and Chris.

It’s not the pub, people or music that I despise. Cheesiness aside, it’s all rather nice. What isn’t nice, is Strongbow cider.

I rarely drink, these days. In fact, I am practically teetotal. However, when I was partial to a cider, I would always steer clear of Strongbow.

As far as commercial ciders went, I had some clear favourites…

  1. Sheppys
  2. Thatchers
  3. Westons

These were the “proper” ciders, in which you could actually taste the apple. Believe it or not, despite modern ciders being made from cherry, banana, toffee and Marmite, it was traditionally made from apple!

Then you had the fashionable ciders – Bulmers and Magners. The fact that these drinks are traditionally served over ice, when real cider traditionally is not, should set alarm bells ringing.

Right at the bottom of the cider chart is White Lightning, White Stripe, White Rat (probably). Basically, any cider which calls itself “white” is better suited (and safer) as a drain cleaner than a beverage.

So where, in my opinion – and for legal reasons I must stress that this blog post is entirely my opinion – does Strongbow fit in?

Luckily for Robert and Christopher, I would place it higher than the “White Shite” variety. Although, sadly for the boys, that is all. I would rather drink a sacralidge pint of Bulmers over ice, than go anywhere near a Strongbow.

I always thought of Strongbow as a drink enjoyed by students and middle-class fake chavs. Middle-class chavs, because your traditional chav can only afford white-shite cider. Thanks to the bank of mummy and daddy, fake chavs have the finances to buy a more expensive, higher quality – or rather, “less shit” – cider.

You’ll therefore find fake chavs loitering on street corners – bottle of drink in one hand, self-rolled cigarette in another; trying to behave like Tinhead from a 1997 episode of Brookside, but instead looking like Walter from The Beano.

You won’t find students or fake chavs, in a nice pub, listening to Rob and Chris…

… and that is my very long-winded way of explaining why I dislike the Strongbow advert so much.

I’ll just need to remind any lawyers reading my blog, this is all just my opinion and not based on fact. What do I know anyway? I don’t even drink. For all I know, Strongbow may taste great. Heck, Prince Harry probably served it at his wedding.

Posted by sean on July 12, 2014 at 10:25 pm in Cider with No Comments

Living in Somerset, generally anything goes. Although there are two strict rules. The first rule is that you never steal your neighbour’s cow. The second rule, and perhaps the most important, is that you never, ever, EVER drink cider with ice. I shamefully broke that rule this evening. Worse still, the crime was committed with the best cider you can buy – Sheppys Dabinett.

In my defence, the weather was extremely hot, I wanted to relax with a drink while watching the World Cup and there was nothing in the fridge. Given the extreme temperatures, a warm cider was not an option. If you find me guilty of this heinous crime, I will accept my punishment and exile myself back to York.

Posted by sean on June 21, 2011 at 10:02 pm in Cider, Football with No Comments

Dear Stuart Pearce,

Thank you for helping me win a bet with my friend Simon.

I must admit, when your England youngsters were minutes away from beating the Czech babies on Sunday, I did worry that you would still be in Denmark for the semi-finals this week, and I would lose my bet. However, as always, England can be relied upon to mess up.

I’ll enjoy my winnings, a bottle of Sheppy’s cider, soon.

Love Sean x

If anyone else wishes to place a bet with me for England success or a Manchester United victory over Barcelona, I will happily match any odds offered by Paddy Chandler or Fred Power. Be prepared to lose though.

Posted by sean on March 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm in Bath City, Cider, Life In Bath with No Comments

There will be more of a write up about today, my birthday, tomorrow.

However, yet again I am leaving it late for a Saturday blog as I will be going out at 8.

As was mentioned yesterday, there was no Bath City game to go to today, although I did go to Twerton Park to watch the City Academy play. It was free to get in and provided something of a football fix. It wasn’t the real thing, but like methadone for a crack addict, it provided a light relief. I watched the first half of game with a fellow City fan also mad enough to come down. The final 45 minutes I sat in the posh seats (yes, Twerton Park does have some) with the first team manager – one of the perks of following a non-league club.

I’ve been suffering with a cold for the rest of the day. I think this is the first time I have been unwell on my birthday during my life. Still, I’ll still go out this evening and infect everyone. A bottle of Sheppys and some curry or pizza will also help – after all, alcohol and junk food are proven to fix most ailments known to man.

Despite saying I would write about my birthday tomorrow, I think I have covered most things in tonight’s blog, with 21 minutes to spare before my ‘going out’ time.

Posted by sean on January 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm in Cider, Fun At Home with No Comments

Amongst many of the Christmas gifts I received last month, was a magnetic bottle opener which sticks to the fridge – or in my case, the water boiler. As the name suggests, it is used to open bottles of beer, cider, coke and whatever else people drink.

I tested out the contraption at the weekend, with a bottle of Sheppy’s cider, which Simon had brought round. It certainly removed the lid of the bottle. However, in doing so showered not only me, but my entire kitchen with cider.

I thought I had got away with it and cleaned up everything I could see at the time, but upon investigation this afternoon, one of the walls in the kitchen has taken a direct hit and looks like a scene from a Freddy Krueger film. That is, if Freddy Krueger slashed apples with his knife glove.

Needless to say, I will be a lot more careful next time. Upon reflection, I am wondering if I opened the bottle incorrectly. I’ll try it again next time I fancy a drink and will make sure I give the bottle a good, strong shake for luck. What could possibly go wrong?

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