This year, I have blogged for you all 188 times – this will be the 189th. You’re welcome. Feel free to thank me with chocolate, sweets, PlayStation 4 games and money. I accept PayPal.
If you haven’t been following my blog this year, fear not – here is a summary of 2019…
Happy New Year.
January
- Like everyone does every year and will be doing tomorrow, I made a New Year’s Resolution. Mine was to blog more. I blogged just 78 times in 2017, so, remarkably, I stuck to it!
- I became far too excited – or X-cited – about the new season of X Files. Such a geek.
- A former Bath City player scored against Leeds in the FA Cup. Who hasn’t?
- We bought something amazing for our new house – a dishwasher!
- I won the lottery. Kind of.
- Leeds managed to humiliate their fans on a massive scale (again), with an appalling new badge.
- I lost and eventually found my prized autographs.
February
- Clips of Red Dead Redemption 2 were released. That game didn’t amount to anything in the end.
- One of the best culinary creations ever went on sale at Morrisons – the Yorkshire Pudding Pizza. You can no longer buy these. No idea why.
- I showed off the wonderful view from the bedroom window of our (then) new house.
- Some girl’s hamster met an untimely end.
- There was some very sad news, about a former Leeds player.
- The hygiene habits of fellow diners upset me so much, it drove me to blog.
- I declared a ceasefire in my war against a supermarket.
- The residents of Bath lost their minds over the local wildlife.
- The weather became very cold…
March
- … and colder still.
- So much so, all my blogs for March were about snow, snow and more snow.
April
- I made two life changing additions to my life. A mobility scooter…
- and better still – a house rabbit named Roman!
May
- I got distracted by blogging, by this little cherub.
- There was a rat on my decking, what was I going to do? Not play a UB40 record.
June
Zero blogs this month – and with very good reason…
I was signed off sick from work in May. I had felt rotten for months and everything came to a head one day, when I decided I could no longer cope, physically or mentally. I initially thought that the stresses of moving, five months earlier, were a contributory factor, with rest and relaxation being the best cure.
It turns out that things were a lot more sinister than just being run down. As the weeks off work continued, my health worsened. Everyday tasks, some as simple as eating, became a huge effort. It was at that point, I was admitted to hospital…
July
- I revealed all, in what I feel was one of the most personal blog posts I have ever written.
- While in hospital, I became very upset with the physiotherapists.
- I returned home from hospital, but remarkably England were yet to return home from the World Cup.
- The weather became horrendously hot.
- I discovered the joys of hospital transport.
- Another sticker album for an international football tournament was finished.
August
- Roman lost his manhood and wasn’t well as a result.
- He got his revenge a few days later.
- I used my time off work productively, by watching lots of television.
- Roman’s behaviour got worse.
- I received a large financial payout.
- The first spider of the year was spotted. Sadly, not the last.
- We discovered he joys of Deliveroo.
September
- Our bathroom received a makeover – going from this to this.
- We were supposed to be on holiday 🙁
- I became a spy…
- … a vegetarian spy!
- Despite turning veggie, I still hunted spiders.
- I had my first haircut in months.
- Roman became the most spoilt rabbit in the world.
- I wrote a huge blog on McDonalds. Such a weirdo.
October
- Roman was placed on a (forced) diet.
- I revealed 10 of my greatest secrets…
- … as well as listing things that make me happy.
- A Leeds player said a naughty word.
- My new-found vegetarianism caused problems for the staff at McDonalds.
- We discovered the reasons behind Roman’s weight gain and bad behaviour.
- Our household was rocked by the third spider attack of the year.
- I developed a drug problem…
- … but managed to return to work, after sickness.
- I won a prize!
- The McDonalds staff had their revenge.
- I got really excited over a video game (it’s not JUST a video game!).
- Our boiler broke on a freezing cold day. Typical.
- There was tragic news from Leicester.
- I embraced the autumnal evenings.
November
- I got up close and personal with Roman.
- The annual firework displays passed, without causing our bunny any stress.
- Harry Redknapp entered ‘The Jungle‘.
- Our house was invaded by yet MORE spiders!
- I had a bad morning.
- I declared war on Virgin Media.
- I had more fun as a hospital outpatient.
- I reminded myself why I don’t go to supermarkets.
December
- My wife joined me in the 30’s Club.
- We did some cooking, which didn’t involve a microwave.
- Somehow I was persuaded to visit another supermarket.
- The country went bonkers over Brexit.
- I realised that I was taking Red Dead Redemption 2 a little too seriously.
- Leeds United’s success started to worry me. Don’t worry – they’ve since lost.
- I finally completed RDR2.
- Roman dressed up for Christmas.
- Those pesky spiders continued to terrorise us…
- … and Roman got a new job.
The pavement was still unavailable this morning, as Virgin Media were continuing to dig up the street.
I therefore had to take another detour to work. My journey to the office was a tad less stressful than my ride home the night before. Firstly, it was daylight. I also knew the route to take, so didn’t find myself lost in the backstreets of Weston.
The diversion did, however, add time to my journey – approximately 10 minutes extra each way.
This may not seem a lot, but considering I can normally make the trip in just 8 minutes, that is a 125% increase!I therefore feel that Sir Richard Branson should have to pay me for my wasted time – a grand total of 20 minutes…
A quick search on Google revealed that Richard earns an annual salary of $6,450,000. This can be broken down to roughly $736.30 an hour. For 20 minutes, he will earn $245.43. I feel I am entitled to this.
At the current rate of exchange, I am set to receive £190.53 – although I’ll just settle for a Hive webcam. I’ll even use Virgin Money to change the dollars into pounds.
If you are concerned that Rich will suffer financially and be unable to feed his family, as a result of my pay-out, consider this – all I am asking for is 0.0038051162790697676% of his annual summary. Needless to say, he wouldn’t be forced into visiting a food bank.
My journey home from work took a little longer than normal, this evening.
Part of the pavement on my route home had been destroyed and was impassable. “Who could have done this blatent act of destruction?”, I hear you ask. “Terrorists? Vandals?”. It was neither of those, although you would have a fair argument if you were to call what had taken place vandalism.
The pavements had been dug up, apparently, fully legally. The responsible party being none other than Richard Branson. Well, not him personally. He wasn’t on Penn Hill Road, bouncing on top of a pneumatic drill. His company, Virgin Media, were laying cables, so we could all enjoy the fantastic services on offer. Cough! It didn’t even appear to be Virgin employees carrying out the work – they had contracted maintenance workers to do their dirty deeds. I call them “workers”, I’ve seen fewer cowboys in Red Dead Redemption.
This blog isn’t one of my “Sean VS The World”, Victor Meldrew rants. As many of you know, I use a mobility scooter. I was unable to complete my regular route home.
Not being prepared to ride in the main road, I took my scooter down a poorly lit side street. While there, I spent considerable time, searching for a dropped kerb, as my scooter cannot simply mount any pavement. When you’re looking for a dropped kerb, it’s amazing how few of them there are! In the end, I located one, after riding up yet another side street, this time in almost total darkness.
I did make it home, safe and well, if not a little aggrieved and upset. I find the whole thing very selfish and inconsiderate by Virgin Media. They will argue that we were warned that highway maintenance was due to be carried out. In reality, a note was put through our letterbox this morning, after Billy the Kid had began removing slabs of concrete.
I am certainly not the only person who would have been affected by Virgin’s appallingly actions – other disabled people and parents with children from nearby schools would have also suffered.
I sent a very strongly worded email to Virgin Media. I fully expect to receive some standard, pre-written spiel back, as a reply. I therefore copied my MP and local councillors into the email. It’ll probably achieve nothing, but I would hope that Richard Branson’s Magnificent Seven are not allowed to continue working in the manner which they have been.
Upon leaving my house for work, this morning, I discovered that, just feet from my front door, somebody had left a small, sealed black bag. Presumably, this bag was filled with dog poo – at least if it was excrement, I hope it came from a dog and not some neighbour with a broken toilet.
How lazy is that? The dog owner goes to the effort of picking up his pet’s waste (one reason that I will never own a dog*), only to leave it in the street, where it was presumably originally dropped from the creature’s anus.
* yes, I own a rabbit and yes, I do come into contact with his droppings. In my defence, rabbit poo is not messy, stinky or crawling with parasites that blind children. I also don’t have to degrade myself by bending down, to pick up Roman’s poop from the pavement.
The owner shouldn’t have bothered picking up the crap. That’s not to say I don’t deplore the selfish people who leave their dog’s vile, toxic waste all over the street.
Had the raw poo been left, it would have washed away in the rain and eventually decomposed. Leaving it wrapped up, like some horrible children’s party bag, it’ll never decompose and sit outside my house forever more, or until somebody – odds on, not the dog’s owner – disposes of it.
I bet the bag is still there when I return from work, and I bet I run over it with my scooter, having not seen it in the dark.
My morning drama was not over. Thankfully, I managed to arrive at work unscaved. Having evaded the bag of effluence, there were other hazards to deal with, including small children on bikes, adults transfixed by their mobile phones and therefore not looking where they were going, along with vast piles of wet leaves on the pavement.
Bath and North East Somerset Council have no doubt decided to ignore the leaves, rather than paying someone the minimum wage to sweep them up. No doubt ignorance is the cheapest option for my local authority, who are willing to take the risk of getting sued by a little old lady, having smashed her hip to pieces, after slipping on the rotting vegetation.
Having survived an adventure to work, similar to that of a Lord of the Rings novel, I was surprised to arrive early at my desk.
With it being a Friday, I decided to push the boat out and make myself a coffee. Unfortunately, the boat wasn’t the only thing I pushed – my mug, filled with the remains of yesterday afternoon’s coffee, tipped over, as I reached for it. Stale, cold coffee went everywhere. It is amazing how just a small amount of leftover beverage could make such a bloody mess!
Yesterday, my custom built office chair arrived. I have been waiting since April for this chair, which cost over a grand. The second most expensive chair in the country (after The Queen’s throne), avoided being showered in coffee, by literally centre meters.
Cue a quick dash on my mobility scooter to the kitchen, to collect paper towels. I am normally such a careful driver, but in this instance, I would have happily mowed anyone down at four miles per hour, in my attempt to clean my desk.
Half a tree of paper and a bottle of Dettol later, my workspace was clean. No doubt vast quantities of my spillage fell onto the floor; but as a department, we have practically destroyed the office carpet, with drinks and various bodily fluids, during the four years we have occupied the building.
Hopefully there will be no more messy disasters today and I will make it to the weekend unscathed. I doubt it…
After spending an afternoon in front of a computer, in a hot and stuffy office, escaping into the autumnal air is a delight which money cannot buy.
My journey home took me through cool and refreshing air, with the pleasant smell of smoke from a nearby wood fire.
As the clocks had been put back an hour a few days ago, the sky was a lot darker than previous weeks.
Leaves from the many trees in the fields, which I pass on the way home, had fallen in numbers onto the pavement.
Tonight was the first time that I was disappointed to only live 10 minutes from work, as I could have happily continued my picturesque journey home for a lot longer.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
