A bit if a late blog tonight, Simon and Watkins have only just left after spending an evening of mischief at mine.

The evening started with Watkins picking me up and heading for Garfunkles in town. Annoyingly they were fully booked and we were asked to wait. As Simon was coming round later, we were on a tight schedule so decided to give it a miss and go to Nandos.

On the way to Nandos we stopped off at Morrisons supermarket to pickup a box of Coke for the evening. All the queues at the checkouts were ridiculously long, with people buying their monthly shopping. As we only had one item we went to pay at the kiosk.

While waiting in line at the kiosk, I joked to Watkins “If they don’t let us pay here, I will leave the £3.19 and walk off”. When we reached the front of the queue, we were greeted by a very gormless looking chap who told me that I would have to pay for my drinks at the checkout.

I agreed to pay at the checkout although Watkins was furious that I had not just left the money and ran. He got even angrier and rightly so, when the shop assistant at the checkout took what seemed like forever to finish a personal conversation with her mate she was serving and move onto us. Bitch.

We left the supermarket, Watkins still in a fit of rage that I had not done a runner. There were two reasons I didn’t. Firstly, I didn’t have the change and I wasn’t prepared to leave a five pound note on the counter. Secondly, following the customer service shown by the checkout and kiosk clerks I dread to think what would have happened had security been called to deal with us. We would probably have been sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Thanks to the fuck up in Morrisons we had no time left to go to Nandos so had to settle with KFC. Well that went well – not. They messed up both our orders, charged me for a large Zinger Meal yet only gave me regular fries and drink and when I asked for tomato sauce, was asked to pay 10 pence a packet. Fuck that.

I wanted to seek revenge. The idea of leaving a turd on the toilet floor did cross my mind, but I thought that would be going too far. Instead I helped myself to many handfuls of napkins. That’ll cost them at least the 10p they wanted to charge me for ketchup! Hahaha!

Later that evening Simon came round. We listened to an array of dance classics from the 1990s – a sure sign of age when you realise that all modern music is shit and love tunes from a past decade. We also played GoldenEye and Gary Linker’s Football Challenge, a DVD football quiz.

The raised blood pressure and adrenaline from the GoldenEye session caused mass heat radiation from all three of our bodies and it wasn’t long before my bedroom was unbearably hot – almost 30C. The fan was on and the window was open, albeit with that spider net covering it.

Watkins rightly pointed out that it would be a lot cooler if I removed the net and opened the door. That’s not going to happen, not when spiders are about outside. My arachnophobia caused great amusement for Watkins and Simon, however I did learn that Mr. Goater has a strange fear of frogs. At last, I have found the T2000’s only weakness. Next time we play football, I will carry a frog in my pocket and as he comes to tackle me, pull it out and thrust it into his face. What could possibly go wrong?

MASSIVE C**TS!

Mr. Watkins gets a little excited after making a killing on GoldenEye

Not a reading from the Reptile House at Bristol Zoo. This is from my bedroom!